The Stolen April - Shanghai Epidemic Diary No. 4

Y writes a short poem for my stolen April.

There are 26 million silent, colorful grays, no infinite approaching, the anger of resistance, the chaotic whine in the waters of the Huangpu River

Unconscious flowers, swarming trees, torrential rain rolls with sunlight stolen in April

May 1

Y thought that he had come out of the dazed, angry and powerless April.
Y never thought that May may be a deeper daze, more anger and more powerless powerlessness.

At the end of April, the community officially announced that after 0:00 on the 27th, we can go downstairs "legally", "comply with regulations", "by region" and "by time period". The morning sun mixed with the fragrance of green trees in spring and summer, Y and soft white i, visited every corner of the community. Y no longer wanders in the cramped living room, kitchen and bedroom, expands the vast world of literature, expands her work space, escapes from the infinite flow of information, and focuses on her work and spiritual life.

The closure of the city can be a sudden and one-size-fits-all approach; the unblocking will be as slow as soft and soft. The whole month of May will probably be spent in such a transformation. Thinking of the notice of the epidemic prevention and control exercise, thinking of the requirement that "all staff stay still on the spot after hearing the alarm", people can't pretend that nothing happened and do unfinished actions after being still for a month. , work and continue the life before the shutdown.
However, soon, the news of the abnormal nucleic acid announced on the 5th and the subsequent diagnosis spread throughout the community.
At the end of April, the positivity that had revived hope from disappointment and contracted the sense of powerlessness was overturned again.

Will there be unblocking as Y thinks? Everything became blurred again. The re-emergence of confirmed cases in the community after a lapse of two weeks; Xi Jinping's speech announced today (5th): "We must have a profound, complete and comprehensive understanding of the guidelines and policies for epidemic prevention and control determined by the Party Central Committee, and resolutely overcome insufficient understanding, insufficient preparation, Insufficient work and other problems, resolutely overcome the thoughts of contempt, indifference, self-righteousness, etc., always keep a clear head, unswervingly adhere to the general policy of "dynamic clearing", and resolutely fight against all words and deeds that distort, doubt, and deny my country's anti-epidemic policies and policies." It seems that those soft-hearted and economical words at the end of the month are just swaying from side to side.
The truth that is close at hand, the persistence that is far away, everything tells Y that this nightmare is going on without a doubt.

The only consolation is that a friend has successfully and difficultly escaped from the community and has now arrived in Po. In the closed community, he shared the happiness of his freedom as if he was there, for a short morning.

My cousin who was quarantined in Xuhui suddenly developed a fever on the afternoon of the 5th. I don't know if it was a cold or an infection. Everyone is suffering from endless irritability and anxiety; but gathering in cyberspace is only to share each other's anger and deepen each other's powerlessness.

And Y, after officially starting work, facing the "human dignity" that needs to be dismantled every day, looking at the days when he has no freedom and dignity, he can't help but feel that he is just writing a joke for a moment. The disinfectant water that was repeatedly sprayed was poured three times a day in various places in the community; those neighbors who were hiding in protective clothing gradually became white and blue symbols; and Y himself became a symbol. A person who runs around the community ten times a day is still a dog with a stereotyped behavior.

Sometimes Y just feels that the place he lives in is not a human world.
Reading Kafka's The Castle, Y and K make a similar bond. K said Crum's height was unattainable; Y saw those "that defiant gaze that can never be proven, never denied, thinking that they were going around in circles above according to incomprehensible laws, and Y could not destroy it below".

K rejected the request of the secretary of Laoye Village to record the question, and turned around and left the conversation with the owner of the VIP hotel; if the interrogation was replaced by antigen or nucleic acid in such a conversation, there would be no sense of disobedience.
"Don't you have nucleic acid/antigen?"
"No," Y said, "I don't accept nucleic acids/antigens."
"Why?" the shopkeeper asked.
"I don't know," Y said, "why should I accept nucleic acids/antigens, why should I listen to other people's teasing or official whim. Maybe another time I will tease others or accept nucleic acids/antigens on a whim, but today no."
"Yes, of course," said the shopkeeper, but only out of politeness, not convincing approval. ..."I don't want to bother with nucleic acids/antigens."
"Do you think nucleic acid/antigen is that important?" Y asked.
"Yes," said the shopkeeper.
"That said, I shouldn't have refused," Y said.
"Yes," said the shopkeeper, "you shouldn't refuse."
When he saw that Y kept his mouth shut, he didn't know if he was comforting Y or if he wanted to get out quickly, so he added another sentence: "Okay, okay, the sky won't collapse because of this."
"Yes," Y said, "it seems that the sky will not fall."
After that, they broke up with a smile.