Recording life I follow-up contact with friends who want to commit suicide

I met the day before yesterday with my friend who committed suicide a few days ago. Fortunately he is still alive.

But the very day I left his house, he literally gave me action to kill myself.

He actually called me the night he committed suicide, but because my phone was in sleep mode, I didn't see him calling from the night before until the next morning. I figured he might still be sleeping during the day, so I didn't text him back until evening. But he didn't reply to my message until the next morning. I was very disturbed during this time. After chatting with him the day before yesterday, I found out what he was doing.

Hearing about his suicide process, on the one hand, I felt very angry, but more often I found it absurd and a little funny.

Suicide is so hard!

I knew for a long time that he had a suicidal experience. He was afraid of pain, so he used sleeping pills and alcohol before, but it never succeeded, because he said that when he took sleeping pills and alcohol to a certain amount, he began to fall asleep, and then he could not continue to swallow drugs and alcohol. . I thought to myself, "Could it be that I'm going to burn charcoal this time?" However, as soon as I "thought" it became a prophecy. He had already bought charcoal, charcoal fire racks, barbecue fires, and lighters the day before the holiday, and put them in the back of the car. No wonder he stopped me when I got into his car on the first day of the holiday and wanted to flip back. But at the time, I might have only paid attention to his negative emotions without thinking too much about it.

In the middle of the night one day on vacation, he sneaked out while I was sleeping. I had a premonition that night that he would do something stupid to me, so I called him. In fact, to go to him is to commit suicide by burning coals, and has taken action, but it has not been successful. I thought it was the phone call I made at the time that saved him, but I didn't know the main reason was because he couldn't use a flame, couldn't light a charcoal, and couldn't make a fire, so he gave up temporarily.

On the night I left his house, he burned charcoal again in his car. This time he suddenly learned to make a fire. He stayed in the car for a while, and told himself that he couldn't open the door to get out, but he couldn't take it anymore and got out of the car. Because his eyes were very uncomfortable from the smoke, and his throat was very painful from the thick fog, he finally decided to get out of the car. Therefore, when I got into his car the day before yesterday, there was a strong charcoal smell, and the car was covered with ashes.

Because the choking was very uncomfortable, he later went to the hospital on his own to seek medical treatment and have a drip. At the moment of being locked in the hospital, he was extremely uncomfortable because he couldn't move on his own, and later his feet were weak, which made him very afraid of the sequelae of burning charcoal. According to my calculations, he would reply to my message so late a few days ago, probably because he was in the hospital and could not reply to my message!

He also spoke to me about the absurdities of his various suicides, such as when he had his car's exhaust pipe plugged with a rag and taped up. But he later discovered that the exhaust gas was still leaking through a gap. Or because he was afraid of pain, when he was burning charcoal, he was afraid that the car would explode.

So, he came to a conclusion: "Suicide is so hard!"

It is not easy to want to die, and the setbacks experienced behind choosing suicide are unimaginable

He is a man of his word, and he has indeed committed suicide by taking drugs before, so I am afraid that he will really take action again and succeed these days. He did, and he prided himself on his "delivery." I have to say, while a little politically incorrect, I really admire him a little bit.

After he opened up to me laughing about these absurd experiences, plus he cut his hair, and decided to spend money on e-cigarettes that he didn't think it made sense to buy, and decided to start doing what he'd been wanting to do for a while, and He said that he has indeed "executed" the behavior he promised to "self-harm", so he has no urge or thought to hurt himself anymore. To a certain extent, I am also very "thankful" that he did take suicidal actions but failed, otherwise he should still be worried about suicide now, and I absolutely cannot relax my vigilance. Moreover, I can now clearly feel that his cheerfulness this time is not a disguise, so I can temporarily breathe a sigh of relief.

After listening to his experience, I also verified a thought that I have always had before, that is, "It is not easy to want to die." In addition to meeting the requirements of objective conditions, such as knowing how to make fire, not being afraid of pain, etc., the most important thing is psychological conditions, such as an impulse and courage.

This also means that when a person decides to use death to relieve their pain, I believe they must have faced a lot of hard work and overloaded setbacks before, and it is hard to imagine the current life in the world. How deep is the sense of despair. Indeed I see this friend's emotional effort. Looking at his notebook full of notes, recording the preferences of each date, and writing down the reflections after each relationship. On the one hand, I admire him very much, because he knows he is not good at socializing, so he will put more effort in this regard than the average person. Even if he is very hurt after ending a relationship, he is still willing to try again; but on the other hand, I am very distressed. He, I know very well that the emotional world is cruel, and efforts may not be able to achieve results. Although the process of accompanying him is too stressful, I sometimes feel impatient with him, but more often I can only listen to him and hold back the "suggestions" I want to blurt out, such as: "Keep an eye on it", "The future will be better" is absolutely not allowed.

Although the alarm is temporarily lifted, he said that if he falls out of love again, he is not sure whether he will take the same action, so I also forced him to be under my control for the next six months!

Finished on 2022.04.10