"Dear Child": A mother's love letter to her daughter

I don’t think I have read Wu Danru’s collection of essays. Even if there are, they are only one or two volumes, and I don’t have much impression after reading them.

So I don’t know much about Wu Danru, but “Dear Child” really won my heart.

This book is a love letter written by a mother to her daughter.

I haven’t read many parenting books, and I don’t agree with every theory. For example, the theory of tiger mothers is definitely brushed aside by me.

I have always believed that every child has a different personality, and there is absolutely no one theory that can be applied to every child. Therefore, when I read parenting books, I mainly absorb concepts, not methods.

In "Dear Child", although Wu Danru's views on raising daughters are not ground-breaking new concepts, they are very similar to my own ideas, so I enjoyed watching it. For example, Wu Danru has never been in a hurry to teach her daughter how to speak, because she believes that she will know how to speak sooner or later, so there is no need to rush to teach her, but let her observe things carefully.

When it comes to parenting, nothing can be forced and there is no need to rush. When the time comes, it will come naturally. Following the child's nature is the best way to raise children.

Wu Danru's pregnancy and childbirth were more difficult than ordinary people. She was pregnant for the first time at the age of 44, and she was pregnant with twins. However, one of her daughters was stillborn at 20 weeks. She was later admitted to the hospital due to pregnancy toxemia. At 29 weeks, she gave birth to a daughter weighing only 910 grams by emergency caesarean section. While her premature daughter was fighting for her life, she was also dying due to various complications.

The two mothers and daughters fought side by side like comrades-in-arms. Because of such a difficult experience, Wu Danru was more qualified to pamper her daughter, but she did not sacrifice herself for her daughter. She said: "I will always be a happy mother. I will do it for her daughter." You give, but I won't sacrifice for you. Sacrifice means someone is hurt and suffered. I still pursue my dream, and I still have the obligation to live with interest every day."

Many women are willing to sacrifice everything to raise their children after becoming mothers. But I think this is an unhealthy approach.

I have always believed that everyone has their own destiny. Even if you become a mother, your life is still your own, so you have the responsibility to make yourself happy. If you constantly make sacrifices to take care of your children and make yourself unhappy, how can your children grow up happily? If you always think that you have sacrificed a lot for your children, you will inevitably expect to be rewarded by your children (supporting you in three decades will be an afterthought, at least you must be obedient now), but if you have expectations, you will be disappointed. When your children are naughty, you will be self-conscious. A mother who has sacrificed so much must feel deeply lost.

Therefore, I never felt that I was sacrificing for my daughter, and I persisted in my hobbies and continued to pursue my dreams. Yes, I have less and less time for myself, but at least I will still have time for myself.

Wu Danru mentioned in one chapter that she sometimes felt guilty about her premature daughter, so she sometimes wanted to make amends. But she knows that "guilt is the most inefficient and unhelpful emotion in the world" and that "a lot of love is compensated for."

I often feel guilty towards my daughter. When I was pregnant with my daughter, for some reason, I did not do prenatal care at all. I didn’t chat with her, and I didn’t play prenatal education music. Therefore, my daughter's performance needs a lot of attention since she was a child. I thought, is it because I didn't do prenatal education that she needs to demand attention? Sometimes my daughter is naughty, and I think it’s because I didn’t do prenatal education.

In fact, no matter how guilty you are, you can't go back to the beginning. I still insist on it, it hurts but I don’t love it.

The book "Dear Child" is full of strong maternal love, but only in moderation. It teaches you to continue to live your life while loving your children. Recommend this book to all parents.

Excerpted from my favorite sentence in the book:

• You are you, I am me, you have your own independent soul. I have no right to influence your future. I am just a facilitator and cannot be your navigator. My mission is to follow your heart and help you find your joy in life. I am not qualified to cultivate you.
• Before I had you, I believed that life was not worth living if it was not happy. After having you, I know that life is worth living no matter what.
• A child who learns many things too early is just a show-off for his mother. Mom loves you so much that she doesn’t want to show off your intelligence.
• Life is worth your while. As long as a person is alive, he must work hard to do what he wants to do and work hard to develop his expertise. As a parent, never encourage your child to go to "where everyone should go" or force him to do "this is the way to have a future".
• Even if you are very young, your personality is very strong and cannot be educated or forced by me. No matter what you do, I will give my subjectivity a break and think about it from your perspective. Don’t rush to judge, don’t rush to guide, don’t try to command you.
• When you get through it, you will find that all the pain is meaningful, then you will find that you have received a great gift. Even disaster becomes a blessing.
• As a human being, survival is our strongest ability. My dear child, I hope that you will be healthy and ordinary but know how to survive and how to deal with the endless changes in this world.
• Don't teach a pig to sing, otherwise you will be in pain and the pig will be unhappy.

Book title: "Dear Child"

Author: Wu Danru

Publisher: Crown

Publication date: October 3, 2011

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