[Matters 92] In life, stay colorful

It's been a long time since I jumped out of the furnace (novel) category. When I published my novel last week, I was thinking about my position in writing on Matters, and whether I wanted to make my writing more consistent, such as reading slowly during the holidays (I thought that everyone should be more comfortable during the holidays. Sora, although this is a very wrong idea, in fact, he is a person who will try something new on a holiday or go somewhere to play) and then publish novels on weekdays.

However, this kind of planning has recently made me realize that I am a bit out of touch with the original purpose of writing - I am writing, therefore I am, and I am healed by writing. Therefore, although I hesitated for two more days, I decided to take a break from time to time! When I think about it like this, I realize that I haven't chatted with people for a long time, and I haven't written about the things I observed in my daily life, or recorded some " chemical reactions " caused by interacting with others.

Regarding the daily life, the chemical reaction after interacting with people is actually very precious, and as a person who likes to write novels, these experiences and observations will always be transformed at certain moments, and some even successfully become materials. The essence of creation is to deeply embrace and feel life! However, perhaps because I have been in public and read a lot of articles, I can't help but feel like "Ah! It seems that such an article is what I should try to write" or "Ah! It seems that such an article is like would produce something bigger, higher, and more in the collective interest.”

The above thoughts may also be related to the female thinker Hannah Oran who likes to be mentioned over the weekend. In her thinking, she believes that " if the freedom of the public domain is not preserved, then the freedom of the private is only empty talk ." Therefore, the longer she stayed in Matt City, she actually started to write whatever she wanted to write (and that It’s time to do an “endurance test” for yourself, that is, in addition to job hunting, how many words can you type in a day if you want to be a writer, and whether your writing can be more refined and break away from your usual writing style. In addition, you always want to To test whether I can maintain a flexible mentality and write good-quality articles) Although I did not do enough homework at the time, I sometimes think about what I was doing at the time, but later, under the comfort of my husband, I still continued to write with the cheeks , and shared many articles along the way.

These articles contain:

Life in Germany, such as education , such as the mask order , such as the Share & Care support system , such as saving money in Germany, also includes what to do if you get sick here , as well as the recent walk , cat fat Write down and visit the piano museum and other unpopular articles.

Later, I also wrote a few articles about books, because I have dyslexia, and I always used to take notes and review and then review, and then condense the arguments in order to remember some interesting knowledge, so I finally completed the long-standing The "Slow Reading" program that I really want to do. In addition to "Hannah Elan" , which is still being done now and intends to post on holiday, " The Trap of Monoculture" and "The World History of Capital " have also been done. Speaking of which, I have always been unsure whether the form of "slow reading" is good or not, mainly because in a society that emphasizes efficiency, there are many people around me who are eager to be able to "read fast", that is, a short essay can absorb the essence of the whole book. All these make the "Slow Reading Program" seem out of place.

In addition, there are still many good books in my heart that I want to share with you, but sometimes I really don't know how to start, but this idea is temporarily stored in my heart.

In addition to life and books, I have also written some articles on self-dissection of psychological state, including Dash , two poison jars , and sharing "One Minute Flies ".

Speaking of which, there is nothing wrong with sending out the results of the autopsy in a public field, but when I look back at my insurmountable hurdles through words, I will find that although life is always temporary, it will be a few years and a few years. It is another stage, but in fact it cannot be denied that what happened in life in the past is still accumulated in life to some extent, or becomes a stepping stone or a stumbling block and shapes the present self .

So, for me, self-dissection is actually a step of generating energy by letting myself go through pain.

In fact, when I fell into hesitation, anxiety or timidity, most of the time I would try to be silent, but later I would find that I occasionally dissect myself through writing, and analyze my situation as rationally as possible. Analyzing and pursuing beliefs that arise out of nowhere, or discovering ideologies that I don't usually look into that actually drive me, and ultimately try to reconcile with myself.

However, even after posting the article, I still spend a lot of time thinking: Am I spreading negative energy again?

This kind of contradiction often appears. Deep down, I know very well that I don’t regret doing it, or if I feel regret, then don’t do it . However, as a contradiction from time to time, it is even a bit like a vocabulary I recently learned— - "Involution", even if the word describes a state of stagnation and stagnation in a whole society - I feel that if all the cells in my body are a small society and constitute me, then I am also in a state of "involution".

However, I continued to write, even if it was very slow, or at first glance made the rhythm of the daily life fast, but in fact, there were many hauntings in my heart for many days.

Therefore, in this state, it is inevitable to find an outlet in the records and sharing of not being responsible for painting and playing the piano (shameless evidence +1) Although I am shy, but it is an amateur after all, and it is also a part of my life, so As mentioned in the title, keep your beautiful appearance, and hope that you can present yourself in a more realistic way, not only to share with friends in Matt City, but also to record it for your future self.

Or organize some photos from past travels and what I saw and felt at the time.

In addition to painting, playing the piano and arranging travel articles, because in daily life, I always focus on finding a job, doing housework, and taking online classes (which can take nearly seven hours). Get a little exercise, and then, make time for my favorite activity - writing a novel ! Because there are countless stories and souls floating in my mind for many years, I always write novels with the attitude of "I am the recorder". The problem is that the outline skills and so on are not considered by me when writing, because they (souls) ) and it (the story) was there in the first place, but now I see it and capture it. However, when it comes to writing, I am very obsessed with " theme " and " atmosphere ". The part about the theme may be influenced by Lin Haiyin's "Chengnan Old Story". In that story, for me, the theme of the novel is It is "farewell" and "growth", so when writing novels later, there will always be a theme in the process of writing. As for the "atmosphere", perhaps the most influenced by Shagang's "Good Day Melancholy", when writing novels, it always makes me feel like painting an oil painting, what color tone should I use, such as cold or warm, such as soft or strong , just like that sentence: fiction is art, and I hope to create the atmosphere that I want to create by being able to paint - of course, I know that I have not mastered this very well until now, and I am still learning. But here I still have the cheek to take the latest "The Bell" for self-examination - when I was writing at that time, the theme that pushed me was "interrogation of life and death" and the atmosphere was to use the protagonist's trauma as "alien, deliberately" Indifference" way to create, just to say, I just write it down, so the fish need to be burned.

That is to say, if I only discuss career planning rather than career planning, I really want to become a novelist, just read and write novels and live my life, reading and writing until the end of my life (it can be said that I can do one thing. It's really a romantic thing for me to do things until the end of my life) (that's why I give myself a "assessment" of 202,990 . Although word count is not everything, but for me, when it comes to writing novels It is also the " craftsman spirit " and maintaining a certain number of words is the most basic and indispensable! Anyway, the first draft is waste, so let's write it down first.)

And these days, the novels posted in Matt City include a very short story " Her Social Aphasia " and "The Bell" . Next, I will try my best to continue to burn the trash fish novels, and I will put the novels in a place where someone may Seeing the place also made me try to make a book cover for the first time in my life. (That is to say, the " Snow Whispers" posted a long time ago also has some elements of a novel. Sometimes, when I get into trouble, I will think about a higher-level soul like Xue, and let myself get close to the kind that can exist or not. Survival, neither sorrow nor joy, everything conforms to the state of nature.)

Life is always full of all kinds of activities. Sometimes, I would like to present myself in the same space, whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. However, maintaining colorful colors in life may often make people feel Unprofessional and poor flying squirrel skills, it is true to touch a little bit and play tricks. But then I think about it, even if I have a job later and show my professionalism in the field of work, in the field of life, I should continue to maintain a state of poor flying squirrel skills, and there is a suspicion of grandstanding (actually). However, these things are undeniably what keeps me a little bit hotter about life.

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Maybe life is short like fireworks and there is an impulse to grasp it, but maybe there are times when I always think about whether my bad self should not exist in the world, and even, at many times, I always know too well "now in a peaceful society" , the moments of peace or joy that I can feel are actually based on the fact that there are many people in the world who are suffering, but I am lucky not to be born there.” I read the story of Mother Teresa a long time ago. At that time, in addition to admiring her for setting up the "dying home", I always remembered that she stood up to save a group of children during the civil war in Kosovo . There are too many disturbances in this world, and my own power is so small. However, maybe what I can do now is to care about from a distance and try hard to make myself more capable and able to do more things. However, But I still need to keep myself a beautiful life to balance.

Maybe I'm melancholy and unsuccessful now, maybe I'm laughable without this text (in my mind I'm a fool, or maybe I'm Turgenev's "superfluous person" - no, I may I have to add an extra "despicable" at the front. After all, the premise of redundant people is to have aristocratic status.) However, I still want to stay beautiful, and then I can do something for this turbulent world.

May you stay gorgeous and live a life of true heroism as Romain Rolland calls it :)

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