A journey out of fear

I am a person who is afraid of being hurt again after a loss.

Since I started running the marathon again the year before last, I have always wanted to buy another electronic watch for running, but I always remember that the watch I bought for 5,000 8 was only used for half a year, and I lost it while traveling in Japan.

Even if I don't want to, I still can't help thinking about the looting of the dormitory and the theft in Stockholm when I was sent to Vietnam. But on the other hand, the tragedies are only those, and the good things that have been obtained are simply endless. Why do they always fall into the emotional vortex of loss and cannot extricate themselves.

I am just a small coffee runner, and I run mainly for health. If I don’t train so persistently, I have never bought a new watch. But last year, he lost weight due to intermittent fasting, and at the end of the year he broke a personal record by running the Taipei Horse. So, I joined the Facebook community of second-hand electronic watches to see if there is a chance to pick up a good one.

After half a year, I occasionally visited the club, intentionally or unintentionally. Although I saw good products one after another, I always got the first move. Otherwise, the seller looks like a head account, which is prohibitive.

Finally, I saw a target product in the first two weeks, and the seller seemed decent. He also shared the running news on his own version, so he immediately contacted the seller to seize the opportunity.

The strange thing is that the seller is obviously a man. When he asked the other party for a video to confirm the status of the electronic watch, the man who operated the watch was a pair of hands painted with manicures.

Based on politeness, they do not want to be too suspicious of the other party, but they are afraid of being deceived, so even if the seller is far away in Zhunan, they still insist on dealing with the other party face to face.

This is the first time in my life that I have agreed to deal face to face with a stranger. I just imagined in my head that I might have a chat with the other person for a while, a bit like meeting a friend on a journey. I flipped open the map and started planning a simple journey for myself.

On the same day, it took nearly two hours by train to meet the seller at Zhunan Station. The seller wore a black mask, black clothes and black pants, and explained the situation of the watch in a kind tone. The other party felt that he was a little younger than me, but it turned out that he was actually selling it for a female friend, not his own old watch.

After a brief inspection of the charger and watch body, I went to the ATM next to him to collect money for him. The other party seemed to be in a hurry, and after saying goodbye politely, he walked away quickly. During the transaction, the good and bad things that had been expected did not happen, and everything was as dull as the scenery outside the train station platform.

I walked out of the station and walked into the second public retail market in Zhunan. After a quick lunch, I found a coffee shop and sat down to study how to use a watch, while thinking about the whole process of buying a watch. For a simple reason, to go to a faraway place, so-called travel.

And I can't help but wonder what I've been through to be so wary of people, yet so passionate about people at the same time. Looking back, I found that in the past I was also like this in my relationships? Once I have an overly close interaction with a friend, whether that interaction is inspiring or frustrating, it takes me a long time to really get back to peace.

Now my heart is no longer easily turbulent, maybe it is not how mature and open-minded I have become, but everyone is no longer so close because of their busy lives. I have also become accustomed to a life of less frequent exchanges with friends.

Sometimes, the good or the pain of the past keeps us from moving forward again and again. Until one day we found that the only thing that stopped us from beginning to end was our heart. And the distant scenery has been waiting for a long time to welcome you.

No matter how many times, when you feel that you may be able to let go, try to say goodbye carefully to those memories. In life, there are always many scenery ahead. And it is because of the pain of loss that the scenery ahead seems so clear and meaningful.

Like the youth that has been sealed away.