2021 Matters Annual Questionnaire | Thanks to Matters, this year, confusion and determination coexist

Dec 19, 2021

This year, I changed from a "robot" to a living "human". In the days when I became a human again, I wanted to play and eat, and I also had an ever-expanding desire to create and express. I vaguely feel that with the golden age of domestic real estate gone forever, I am also in a period of life change. Every time I think about this, I feel excited and confused, and I secretly pray that the direction of life change must be related to writing, because this is the I dreamed from childhood.

1. Write down an event that happened this year that you want to record permanently.

This year, I changed from a "robot" to a living "human".
In September, due to the finalization of the country’s deleveraging policy for real estate companies at the beginning of the year, coupled with the unsustainable business model of Evergrande Real Estate, the entire real estate industry suffered setbacks, and the real estate companies complained a lot. At the end of October, the design institute became more leisurely -- this was unexpected for me, who had been working overtime until mid-October.

At the beginning of the year, I quit my job as an architectural scheme designer in my previous company and came to my current unit to be a construction drawing designer. In a nutshell, the work flow of the design institute is focused on the concept proposal in the early stage, while the construction drawing stage is focused on the completion of the concept and the specific construction guidance in the later stage. The project work experience in the past few years has made me feel the "positive feedback" drawback of the domestic real estate development model: the government releases land for auction---the developers acquire the land at high prices---the government uses money for infrastructure construction and development of new districts---development The business entrusts the design institute to carry out internal benchmarking and competition with other surrounding real estate, determine the construction plan, and carry out construction at a rapid pace. It is not difficult to see that in the entire round of capital turnover, the Architectural Design Institute is only in a short-term link, and the ultimate meaning of all the work in it is just to serve capital. But perhaps because of the self-esteem and guilty conscience of architecture students who can only graduate after five years of undergraduate studies, the texts of their colleagues' proposals are still extremely dazzling, and pictures, videos, and texts are filled with all kinds of self-talk and Self-promotion and boasting, the vocabulary used is also a unique real estate vocabulary: sitting, exclusive, luxurious... After a few years, this has really made me physically exhausted and disgusted: my English level has not been as good as before, and I don’t want to lose my only The language organization ability that is worthy of the table.

Becoming a construction drawing designer is a more stressful choice for me, which means: complicated design specifications, cooperation with other design majors, and intense project cycles. In the first few months of work, staying up late was the norm for me. I forced myself not to think about the meaning of work, nor to appreciate how those stresses had affected my life as a figurative form: shedding hairs, vibrating phones, relaxing vacations that never existed. Don't think about it, my job is still a tiny part of the cash flow game; don't even think about how pointless I think this cash flow is.
I'm almost getting used to it, I'm almost making it.
But in the middle of the night, facing the unpainted commercial evacuation staircase, and seeing the time to hand in the drawings, I was completely defeated by the feeling of collapse. After I got home and vented, I finally felt deeply self-denial and complained. Sleep with me with tears. The next day I woke up and had no choice but to walk to the company. I feel that I can no longer experience my work with any emotion. I would rather work overtime numbly, face the time in the lower right corner of the computer numbly, and waste my life numbly.

But unexpectedly, Evergrande's thunderstorm sounded the alarm for all high-turnover development models, and the projects I participated in were also suspended. In nearly a year, I spent the first weekend without group messaging and phone calls, then the second and third. I can clearly feel that the tension in my heart is slowly leaving me, the sunset and the starry sky are charming again, and I am willing to stop for them again.
In the days when I became a human again, I wanted to play and eat, and I also had an ever-expanding desire to create and express. Different from the fragmented inspiration I often had before, I decided to calm down and not only describe some metaphysical feelings, but also Write some "things to say" plots. I vaguely feel that with the golden age of domestic real estate gone forever, I am also in a period of life change. Every time I think about it, I feel excited and confused, and I secretly pray that the direction of life change must be related to writing, because this is the I dreamed from childhood.

2. Two full years have passed, and the epidemic is still continuing. How has the pandemic changed your life compared to two years ago? Do you think it can be restored?

The epidemic has made me realize that I am a person who is eager to travel and walk around.

3. In 2021, where will you (finally) lie flat?

I lay flat on my desk, haha, I don't want to pursue any more "passed the nine first-level registered architect exams in X years", although that is a nice name and a synonym for success. However, my architectural education taught me that the reason why modern and postmodern architecture is so rich is that it exists for inclusion. The development of society has accommodated more diverse values, stimulated more desire for expression, and the cultural field has flourished. As a form of artistic expression, architecture can be so moving. I don't want to dedicate my life to real estate turnover anymore, I just want to take my hands with these eyes, trained in some observation, to record what really represents "who I am."

4. In 2021, what will give you the deepest sense of meaning or give you the greatest sense of power?

This year I gained some self-awareness of my social role, and being a proletarian itself gave me a great sense of strength.
Secondly, I came to Matt City. I met many friends. Sometimes I often read some amazing or heart-warming articles, or the things I wrote were praised by everyone, and I felt satisfied from the bottom of my heart. hapiness. In 2021, I am grateful to be in Matt City.

5. In 2021, a farewell or an encounter you experienced

Two years ago, my father was diagnosed with cancer and left me for a short period of time, and I have been practicing saying goodbye to him from the day he was diagnosed until today.

6. How has your relationship with your body changed since last year? Do you like your current body more?

Before I started working at the beginning of this year, I asked a fitness coach to take me to train for two months. It was very interesting to feel the power of my body and consciously control my body.

7. Share with us a good book, a good movie or a good song you meet in 2021

Wu Bai "River of Dreams"

8. Share a moment that meant a lot to you in 2021 with a single photo.