Amnestic Surgery

After confirming many times, I am still very uneasy whether to perform this amnestic operation.

I asked the doctor if it would hurt. She said yes, there will be a little pain. I was a little hesitant all of a sudden, but she had already come and put a suction cup on my head, and I was terrified: I haven't made a final decision yet!

She smiled and said, did not start, this is just to test whether your physical condition is suitable. If it's not very good, a cannula may also be needed.

My head started to swell a little after the suction cups were on, intermittently like a balloon inside was constantly being blown up and deflated. The monitor next to me showed my cranial pressure, which also jumped. I thought to myself, if it was just this kind of pain, it would be bearable.

I can't remember the principle of the operation explained by the doctor, but it seems that it sounds like scraping off some debris on a piece of cap with a knife.

I was reminded of ice pick surgery, and I asked the doctor if I would be stupid after the operation. The doctor said that he might suffer from hemiplegia, but that was a rare case, and it was an accident that happened in the past with underdeveloped technology. Now that the technology is good, the chances of this are already very low.

She also said that if you don't do this operation, the rest of your life will be very difficult. With the current personality, it may be more difficult than hemiplegia.

I'm familiar with personality changes after surgery. The doctor once said that it is rare that the personality does not change after the operation, and there has never been a case in their hospital. Some people have gone from being mild to becoming more violent, while others have suddenly given up their previous careers and chose to contact areas they have never been exposed to before.

From this point of view, apart from its own healing effect, amnestic surgery is more like a personality replacement surgery. Erasing the current personality and replacing it with a new, unknown and random personality is like the rebirth of the spiritual world.

In addition, the doctor also comforted me, not all my memories have been erased, otherwise I would not be a melon child. She smiled earnestly and continued. It's just that those memories that made you who you are are erased, and after surgery you will still remember how to use chopsticks, how to go to the toilet; you will still remember everything you learned, so of course your degree won't be revoked.

It's just those memories of people, those memories of who made you a bad you were erased.

Why would I have to do such an operation. I don't seem to remember it now, I seem to have completely forgotten it. If I know, does it mean the surgery failed.

The things I still remember, I'll tell you next.

Just like the choice Yun Tianming made when he was euthanized, I also went through several fool-proof tests to prove that I underwent this operation in a conscious state. Even after doing a lot of psychological construction, the last choice is still difficult to make. After hesitating for a few seconds, I felt that I was too cowardly.

The machine starts to run slowly. It doesn't seem to have a craniotomy, but it seems that I can really feel a cold touch, echoing in my brain, touching my soft place again and again and avoiding it. The doctor before the operation told me that I might be half asleep and half awake, and I would experience a feeling of being out of my body. In the very early days, maybe when I first learned about this kind of surgery, I even wanted to take the initiative to experience it. However, when it is really about to experience, there is really only fear of the unknown.

The blade-like feeling began to work slowly and periodically, and I don't know if it was really working, or maybe it was my strong psychological suggestion, and I felt that my perception was constantly moving away from me. The sense of touch, pain, taste, and hearing are constantly diminishing. I kept feeling only myself and not being able to feel the outside. Maybe I didn't feel my heart beating normally, but now it's becoming noticeable too. And the most obvious thing was breathing, and gradually I couldn't breathe, as if my lungs were pinched and I couldn't get any more strength. But at the same time, there is no discomfort, but the feeling of breathing is constantly weakened, and each inhalation is smaller and lighter than the last. It was as if he fell into a deep sleep, but he did not fall into a deep sleep.

I seem to have become something with nowhere to go. I seem to be close to my body simply because I don't exercise much. And completely unable to control their own body. I seem to feel that my body has no strength, I was pressed on the hospital bed, and I was sweating slightly. I can't tell how I felt.

When consciousness returns, the most obvious is also breathing. I can't wait to breathe more air, it's like a whole new experience. But again it's futile because you have no control over the process. Just let it recover slowly. Then came the touch, I did feel the bedding getting wet with my own sweat, and I also felt tired. After regaining my body, I finally fell asleep technically.

When I woke up, I still felt drunk. But the body is indeed my own. I have a powerful curiosity about myself, and I want to immediately discover what the new me is like.

I go to the bookshelf to find books to read, so as to judge what my own interests are. I have read a lot of books, whether it is literature or science, whether it is ancient or modern, whether it is novels or theories, I have read them all.

I suddenly realized that I didn't know what the changes I was expecting were. Maybe the answer to this question can also answer why I have to do such an operation at the same time. But right now I can't seem to find the answer. I also realized that just by reading for a short period of time, I can't know what my so-called personality is now.

Hopefully time will tell me something more.