The weight of the soul may be the first day of diagnosis

It’s been exactly one month since the last article, and Ben said on the radio that it will not be updated “for the time being”, but I want to write this article here to encourage people who are sick (?) But I’m not a positive person, maybe not too big help.

There is no dramatic plot, no hypocritical chicken soup encouragement, just as I wrote in the article, lines related to "My God" and "Tian Gongbo" are unlikely to appear in my life. The doctor deliberately said lightly, "Hey, why is there a tumor here!" I answered lightly, "Yeah, didn't you come to see the doctor for this?"

About a month or two ago, I started to feel a little uncomfortable in a certain part of my breast. I didn't think it might be caused by skin allergies or the heat. I intuitively thought it was breast cancer - or at least a tumor. But I was moving house last month and didn't take it to heart until this Monday when my discomfort suddenly intensified and I felt more obvious bumps. Doctor, but my mother took the lead in helping me hang up this morning’s consultation. I would rather sleep well than go to the doctor, but in order to reassure my elders, I took an Uber to the hospital 20 minutes before the end of the first consultation.

Insisting on having no one to accompany me, I cannot cope with the sadness of my family. I remember the week of my fifteenth birthday. I read the report in the clinic and found out that I had lupus erythematosus. My mother’s tears flowed down immediately. Because of my embarrassment, I coldly asked the doctor, “So will I be swollen?” The doctor said. After I had to take three steroids a day... Mom was amused by me. From kindergarten, she nicknamed me "The Humor Master," even though I didn't know what humor was at the time.

I don't have emotions, sadness, or anger about many things, but I fight back like I fought back against the disease. I took the medicine for eight years, and I finally stopped it when I was twenty-two, index Descends to be the same as normal people, doctors call it a miracle, and I believe it too. After all, I used to think I wouldn't live to twenty-five.

the weight of the soul

A few days ago, my mother told Marshall to take me out of Taiwan. She said, "We're old, it doesn't matter. You can leave when you're young!" I said, "I'm younger than you, but our souls are just as important!" How insignificant the difference is!

I want to live a wonderful life. If I am afraid of death, I leave my family. There is no point in living... This is not recklessness or loyalty, filial piety, it is just my belief - family is always the most important. The family has grandmother, mother, aunt and sister.

Regarding cancer, I didn't think too much or presume what kind of mentality I would have. I'm not sure if I will have other thoughts when I know the results of the test report today next week?

If you have cancer

Then I must record my mood today, so that I can share with others the success of anti-cancer!

I set an alarm for 8 this morning, but I always feel like I can't get enough sleep. It's been the same for the past two weeks. According to my "smart watch", I have about an hour of deep sleep every day, including Fourteen and thirty minutes on two days, is that enough? Therefore, I wanted to go back to sleep this morning, but I didn't dare to disobey my mother's orders. I often confronted her on big things, but I didn't dare to be disobedient in the face of such small things...

I completed the first check-in report, and while I was waiting, I was basically sure that I "just" had a tumor. When I put on clothes in the morning, it felt hard to the touch. I even wanted to ignore it when I was taking a shower, but I couldn't, and I swiped my phone to watch the news. , took out the e-book and read it for a while, waiting for the nurse to call me into the clinic, there was no worry, I just wanted to say to the doctor, "I have a lump, please let me take an ultrasound!"

The doctor looked at my self-reported medical history and asked, "How are you feeling unwell?"

I pointed to the problem area and said, "It's itchy and there's a lump here."

Then I was lying on the bed and asked me to remove my clothes and palpate. The doctor touched it two or three times and said, "There is really something there, wait for an ultrasound." I breathed a sigh of relief. The script goes.

Unsurprisingly, the nurse in the ultrasound room also said: "This does seem to be a problem. You'd better arrange the slice today and try not to delay it."

Finally, I went back to the clinic to look at the ultrasound photos. The moment the doctor opened the window, there was no suspense, although he calmly said, "Let's look at the photos together!" Actually, I already knew the conclusion.

"Hey, how come there's a tumor here!" he tried to say lightly.

"Yeah, didn't you come to see the doctor for this?"

"The shape of this foreign body is unknown, but some people's tumors grow like this. If it's a tumor, it should be breast cancer! You're still young, so it can be treated. Then we have to arrange a biopsy."

"Okay, how should the slicing be done, will it hurt?"

The doctor drew a circle on the paper and said, "This is the needle. It will go into your breast and suck the tissue out of it, about four places."

I just smiled and nodded and said, "Got it."

After half a day, I still don't feel anything. Before leaving the clinic, the doctor still said something behind his back: "You are still young, so stay optimistic!"

This is today's conclusion: it turns out I'm still young.

Write at the end:

In fact, I don’t know why, several years ago, before my grandmother had breast cancer, I had a premonition that I would get breast cancer, but I didn’t feel worried or sad. I took life and death very lightly, and once asked Marshall: " If I'm dying, will you still be with me?" I was only twenty-five years old at the time, just past the number of years I thought I could live, and he just said, "Don't be bored!"

I talked to him about "death" a few times later, and he always said, "Of course, what does that matter?"
But I asked the wrong question, it should be: "After I die, will you still remember me?"

When I was a lupus patient and didn't tell anyone about my condition, I was like most people who grew up in a Christian family, thinking I was being punished for being sick, or hating other people's weird logic My character and behavior are oriented towards my disease, and I am even more afraid if others look at me with sympathy...

I am a person of faith, life is so precious, how can I use it to attack anyone.