I don't want to be a passive agressive if I can

Quoted from Keelung City Councillor Zhang Zhihao FB

"I'm Xu Qiaoxin... This is my car... It doesn't matter if you want to drive it, I'll talk about it later."
Kuomintang Congressman Xu Qiaoxin is suspected of pressuring the police to issue orders. Today, the police released the secret recorder screen, and the dialogue is as above.
Kuomintang Congressman Xu Qiaoxin wrote several articles by herself constantly emphasizing that she "not only did not ask the police not to issue bills, but also asked them to issue bills in accordance with the law."
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Why are so many people still reluctant to believe the Kuomintang Xu Qiaoxin, "not pressure"?
I'm telling an analogy, not a true story.
One day, my husband and I got off work, and both of them were very tired. At midnight, our daughter still refused to sleep, so we took turns to hug each other.
At this time, I received a call.
Tai: "Who is calling so late? Almost woke the child up."
Howe: "My high school classmates, Baizhu, Feilong, Yuange, and Taro, suddenly came to Keelung to eat seafood, and now they are drinking at the three sisters' place, asking me if I want to find them."
Tai: "Oh..."
I looked down at my daughter, then looked up at me, "You go."
Do you think this is telling me to go, or is it telling me not to go?
Smart, understand.

However, there is no discussion here about whether Xu Qiaoxin put pressure on the police.

"You go." This is really a classic passive agressive language. It made me suddenly feel that I am not alone. It turns out that I am also a person who often does passive agreesive behavior (even unconsciously in many cases), which has caused trouble and harm to the people around me.

Here are some quotes from psychology articles

What causes passive aggression?
Passive aggression stems from deep anger, hostility, and frustration that a person, for whatever reason, is not comfortable expressing directly . When dealing with passive-aggressive behavior, it's important to understand that beneath all of those snide remarks lies a deep unhappiness and sadness
Passive-aggression stems from deep anger, hostility, disappointment, and the person's inability to express themselves comfortably.
When dealing with passive-aggressive behavior, it is important to understand the motivations and feelings behind that person.

In many cases, the formation of this personality is related to family background and childhood experiences. In some cases, parents strictly educate their children that everything must be in accordance with the regulations and cannot be violated slightly. In the process of growing up, if a child is particularly repressed and tries his best to "obediently" avoid conflict, confrontation, or hope to please others and meet others' expectations, it may produce a suppressed resentment (after all, no one is perfect). And if there is no suitable channel to vent this grievance, it is likely to evolve into a passive attack later.

And this kind of behavior seems to be particularly obvious in Asia, which may be due to cultural reasons: from childhood, we generally learn to value harmony, respect the elderly, and obey authority. Many times these concepts also lead to lower self-esteem. And low self-esteem may drive passive-aggression.

In fact, the passive-aggressive personality most want to pursue is the sense of trust. It is because of a lack of trust that all kinds of intentional or unintentional attacks are used.

When we were young, both or one of the parents were strong and authoritarian, often denying, criticizing, and even verbally and physically violent against the child, which was not conducive to the healthy growth of the child. character.

When we use "passive-aggression", the subconscious thought is that I dare not attack you directly, but I let you know my anger and dissatisfaction with you through my behavior to achieve the purpose of venting my emotions.

For example: an anxious and impatient parent, the child will surely procrastinate and procrastinate. The imprint of unhealthy parents on their children is nothing but the wounds they have suffered.

If we are the victims of an unhealthy family and don’t know it, we only resent our parents’ “abuse” and don’t know how to heal and grow ourselves, then one day, the “victim” will unconsciously become the “perpetrator”. Let your next generation pay for it.

The more psychological knowledge you read, the more you talk to the counselor, and the more you explore yourself, the more you feel that the family of origin and childhood experiences have a profound impact on the formation of a person's character. It's not what I want to be like this, and I can't choose whether to grow up in a healthy childhood. My passive-aggressiveness, procrastination, and low self-esteem are all strict, authoritative, critical, and negative discipline from my parents. caused. My mother is a very impatient person, so I found that the more impatient people I faced, the more I liked to procrastinate, and there was a mentality of wanting to kill the other person intentionally or not. It also makes me feel that it is better not to harm the next generation, and not to re-engrave my scars. In addition to being afraid of confrontation, a person with low self-esteem often makes people feel embarrassed and full of resentment in interpersonal relationships, and it is difficult to face the fact that others do not value them. I really don’t want the next generation to do the same.

Some people will directly get angry and express their dissatisfaction when they are unhappy. I think it is very difficult for me to do it. I have always wondered why in interpersonal relationships, it is always difficult for others to notice that I am angry. It is too difficult to directly express negative emotions and positive conflicts. People are uncomfortable too.

Moreover, a person who considers himself to be a very gentle person wants to maintain a harmless human and animal character. Over time, he will become a person who reflexively exhibits passive agressive behavior. After all, no one wants to be a shrew who scolds the street, and women are especially easily labeled as irrational. Once they are classified as irrational, there is no credit for what you say. My mother has scolded me for my bad temper many times. How can I stand it, fuck Asian social values.

The problem of passive-aggression is a two-way street. The more damage we suffer, the more we can't say it directly, and the more likely we will behave. We also want the other person to understand our deep motivations (just in our more comfortable way), to know what we're disappointed in and why we lack trust.

Every time I read the psychological analysis, I feel that I have been like this in my life, so let's lie down.