The golden decade of 20 to 30 years old

Yesterday, I dined with a friend at Xinglin Canteen in Nanshan Book City.

I drove thousands of miles from Longhua, and he arrived there from Longgang across most of Shenzhen. In the matter of "exploration of beautiful things", we coincided with each other, and we were both willing to pay a certain "price" for it.

The food did not disappoint us, especially the crispy and soft bread platter with yogurt sauce. The moment I bit into it, I felt a sense of happiness brought by the food. After the meal, he took me to nearby Nanshan. Bookstore shopping, go to the bookstore to close.

Afterwards, we pressed the road and chatted all the way eastward from Nanshan Book City to Shenzhen Bay Park. Like me, he likes Shenzhen very much.

Since he arrived in Shenzhen in 2016, he has been studying computer science in Hong Kong and Chinese for his undergraduate degree. It has been six or seven years, but he told me that Shenzhen has always given him a fresh look. Not feeling bored.

I said, "It's because of the 'people' in this city, right? "

He replied with a smile: "Yes, Shenzhen has allowed me to meet a lot of interesting people. Although there are many interesting people in Shanghai, you will find that it is not as easy to meet or chat with as in Shenzhen.

I have lived in Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, Dali and Kunming in Yunnan for a period of time, but compared with Shenzhen, these cities give me far less feeling than Shenzhen. The vitality and freshness of Shenzhen will never let you feel tired and bored. "

After listening to him, the corners of my mouth couldn't help but rise, and I said with a smile, "Although I have only been in Shenzhen for half a month, what I have seen and heard in the past half month has surprised and moved me. ,hapiness.

When I go to an environment, the first feedback to me is "somatosensory", which has nothing to do with reason. The body is like a contactor, receiving the information of the new environment. I have lived in so many cities, and today, when I meet Shenzhen, the moment my body touches, there is a strong and beautiful feeling that transmits positive feedback to my brain. "

Picnic in the park near Shenzhen Happy Coast

Later, we talked about some experiences, and he asked me, "What kind of life do you think makes you feel worthwhile?"

I stared at the road under my feet, and quickly thought about his question as I walked. In fact, I had talked about this topic in my group the day before he asked, but I think this topic is worth discussing again. And the next words, I want to express to female readers——

One of the things I am still grateful for in my life today is that over the years, I have always put "my will" first.

There is no pressure, eager to find the other half, hurriedly put yourself within the society's default female marriage and childbearing age line, enter a marriage relationship as if completing a task, raise children, and even build a family.

Looking back at what I have experienced along the way, I realize that the decade from the age of 20 to 30 is the most precious golden decade for a person.

Even during this period, among the partners I have been with, I have met a boy who once made me think about marriage, and once made me have fantasies about life after marriage, but "rationality" and "ego sensibility" Together they pulled me back from these fantasies.

In the past ten years, I have witnessed how I went from being an ignorant and innocent girl to being curious about myself, others, the world, and questioning things that "take it for granted." Driven by curiosity, my reading volume, the people I have spoken to, and the roads I have traveled have become more and more.

They appeared at my feet in layers, sending me to different stages of life, allowing me to see and experience with my own eyes the magnificent scenery and wonderful life that many people have never been able to witness in this life.

Catch the sunset at the Toronto TV Tower

Some people say that I am brave. I would like to say that the reason behind my bravery is that my curiosity has not been stifled. Not only that, but at this stage, this ability has become stronger and stronger because of the wonderful series of life that curiosity has brought me.

boat to center park

Met a dog leaning on a railing and looking out at the scenery

Although I am still in this golden decade at the moment, I still think and study a proposition as the biggest proposition in this decade.

That proposition is called "self" .

In these ten years, I want to do more in-depth dialogue, experiment and understanding around the proposition of "self".

Fully understand and know yourself, know what you like, what you want, what your strengths and strengths are, what your weaknesses and inferiority are, and what your inner desires are... There is so much about "self" that you can go deeper into. The question of the conversation is thrown to you, and for me, I just want to see myself as clearly as possible, to fully understand who I really am in various ways, with different tools or experiences.

If I want to study this proposition, the most suitable age group is between 20 and 30 years old in my eyes, because at this time, I am more of an "individual" form in this world, and I don't need to think about other extras. People are responsible, and the "choice possibility" at this stage is also the greatest, whether it is occupation, industry, country or city change.

On this basis, the self, learning ability and willingness to learn at this stage are the strongest moments. If you can grasp it, your one year can even rival the ten years of many people.

It can be said that until today, I think that the research progress bar of the proposition of "self" is only halfway through.

On the one hand, my experience is indeed richer than many others, and the fields I dabble in are very broad and complex, but on the other hand, many people will question my excessive "divergence".

However, I myself don't worry about "lack of academic skills" and "lack of expertise in the field".

Many attempts in life are trying to make me have a clearer understanding of myself, so as to help me better build the outline of "self".

Therefore, no matter what kind of artistic performance I come into contact with, music, dance, painting... What books have I read, what ideas have I been exposed to, what languages have I learned, what fun games or indoor and outdoor projects have I played...

During this golden decade, I have had countless moments of playing without proper work and countless moments of serious work... But I have never felt that the latter is noble, and the former is a waste of life.

In the article "The Benefits of Playing Sex", I have already talked about my thinking and attitude towards "playing". All "playing" has allowed me to see clearly my character background and my own desires. .

And to this day, my ten years are not over yet.

I found that when you try to push open a door, countless doors will appear in front of you. At that moment, I felt how blessed I am as a human being, and a huge emotion surged from my chest in an instant. There are too many beauty and mysteries in this world, waiting for me to explore and learn a little bit.

I remember when I was in Latin America, Ai told me that his father once said something serious to him:

"Don't have children in your twenties. Don't decide this too early or you'll lose the opportunity to enjoy your own life because of the burden of parenting."

He said his father's biggest regret was having his first child too early. In fact, my ideas coincided with his father's.

Also, that friend asked me about the career part.

For me, my greatest luck is that I found a career I love in my twenties. I love education, even though I have not figured out how to make the education in my mind a useful one. The product helps others, but it still does not make me overly anxious. The existing thinking can be recorded a little bit through text or podcast. At least this step is to let my thoughts gradually mature in this accumulated thinking.

Because love can support me to think and learn about this matter all my life. Maybe I can understand it in my thirties, maybe I can understand it in my forties, and then I start my own business, and it seems to me that there is no problem.

After all, my goal in life is not to pursue a hurried start-up and financing in my twenties. If I don’t want to understand it, then I don’t do it and continue to accumulate. “Education” is a very huge proposition. Awareness is not enough.

Perhaps because of exposure to the Latin American culture, you will find that they think more about "establishing a career".

I once wrote a small composition in the circle of friends, probably I was sharing with Ai that a certain friend in his twenties had raised millions of dollars in financing to start a business, and that such and such won the Forbes 30under30. A project made millions and so on... But he was hardly anxious about the information, not even touched.

I told him that in China, the age of 30 is a watershed. After the age of 30, there is a "mid-life crisis". I still remember him laughing with great disrespect when he heard this point of view. Seriously, I said:

"Is 30 years old a midlife crisis for you Chinese? I think 30 years old should be the beginning of my career for me."

Later, I met a 30-year-old German sister in Latin America. She has the ability to speak 7 languages, a height of 180+, a humorous and cheerful personality and wise thinking, which makes people completely invisible to her age.

I remember, she dragged us to sing at KTV in Lima. We accompanied her around a dozen blocks. At that time, my legs were weak when I walked, and she was tired from walking, so she ran to the supermarket to buy some She ordered a few bottles of wine and stuffed them with us. Everyone drank and rested on the street. She even started singing on the streets at midnight, pulling us to dance like no one else was around.

She also broke my stereotype of Germans. I thought Germans were serious and serious, but in fact, her state showed me how unrestrained, full of vigor and vitality a 30-year-old woman can live.

More interestingly, I went to a world-ranked Top50 restaurant in Lima. The chef's wife of this restaurant is also the owner of the restaurant who came to receive us in person. When she appeared, I was stunned by the fact that she was already in her 60s. The charm that the woman exudes is completely stunning and shocking.

Because I can't imagine her real age is even older than my mother, but the way she dresses and talks is shocking.

She is in charge of the restaurant's dessert design and research and development. She happily told us that she and Netflix have collaborated on a documentary that will be released in the second half of the year. At the same time, she also took out an interview magazine about her in the kitchen cabinet, and told us about chocolate in Latin America. The story of birth making.

The story takes place in the Peruvian Amazon, and the production of cocoa beans and chocolate involves a revolution in which women defend their labor rights.

She recounted to us the history of the chocolate placed in front of us with high spirits, and I already had images of women fighting against men to defend their rights and interests, and the final outcome was that the woman who led the protest for power changed. The rights of the entire local women have been recorded in history.

This history, I searched the entire Chinese Internet and could hardly find any relevant information. As a result, I can better understand how important language is as a weapon to open the door to the world and break the inherent shackles in people's minds.

If I hadn't stepped into Latin America, I hadn't gone to this restaurant, maybe a lot of knowledge and stories, and the real experience of the moment would not have been obtained.

In a woman in her 60s, I saw what is femininity and female power, and I also saw her love for her career. Even chocolate can have such a deep excavation and understanding, and even combine this knowledge with Stories are made into documentaries.

If you look at them again, you will find that everything has nothing to do with age. Their vitality is stronger than that of people in their 20s that I have seen. The wisdom and strength exuded from their whole body are blooming in every moment. , and it affected me completely.

To this day, when I see these pictures and recall the experience at that time, I am filled with great emotion that cannot even be described in words.

Their confident demeanor, firm tone of voice, free and easy outfits, firm eyes, strong words... all clearly emerge in my mind. It is really difficult for people who have not experienced the moment to experience the situation. A powerful force floating in physical space.

And can such a scene happen in the cultural soil where I live? I think this possibility is really slim, because in this soil environment where there are only disciplines for women, how can so many souls that break through restrictions and bloom themselves grow?

If there is no respect for a woman's free will, but age, fertility, and marriage are tightly bound together, is it possible to realize the proposition of "searching for oneself"? And reincarnation, because of one's own experience, will circulate again in the next generation.

Of course, I also hold a point of view. During the golden decade, my choice of cities will always be first-tier or new first-tier cities in a country, and I will never go to other places.

The three countries I have lived in are all capitals or first-tier cities, and these experiences have made me deeply feel the fierce competition in first-tier cities, but also let me see where the brightest minds gather in this country. What is the land like.

There are a lot of opportunities hidden here, and the environment and the people you meet here will help your cognition to iterate rapidly, the growth rate to increase exponentially, your experience, knowledge, tenacity, vision... comprehensive ability is extremely There is a high probability of rapid improvement in such an environment .

These are not measurable indicators of whether you can buy a house here. Even if you can’t buy a house and keep it at this stage, I don’t think it’s a big deal. After all, some things will follow you for a lifetime, even dozens of times in your future life. Years have a huge impact on you, they are safe in your mind, and no matter how the external environment fluctuates, it cannot take it away.

The more you have seen, the greater the amount of information and the richer the information you have, the more you understand which soil can bring you great opportunities and happiness. On the contrary, if you have not been exposed to so much, you will naturally think that There is no comparison anywhere but here, because years of emotion and habit can make one give up the desire to explore.

But this is also what I think, when you are in your twenties, you should experience and experience more, instead of immediately deciding on your life, such as a partner or where you live in this life, unless you are really sure that you have found it. The life you love and want, and you will not regret it in the future.

Then, the next proposition, whether you want to start a family or start childbirth, I think at least based on your current cognition and understanding of yourself, including your current experience and experience, you can easily understand how an individual should be Grow up step by step, instead of repeating some of the past thinking patterns and educational concepts, and continue to apply this to the next generation.

In my opinion, raising offspring is not as simple as just solving the problem of "buying money to buy a house in the school district". After all, if you can really get in touch with the education path that is completely different from your own, and grow out of it When the character of the person you admire and admire, you will start to re-examine the proposition of "education".

You will be curious about what factors in their growth experience constitute their current excellent characteristics, and in the end you will definitely find that the solution to this problem is not something that can be solved by "spending money to buy a house in the school district". The influence of the child is very important, and the parents' words and deeds can greatly determine the future development of the child.

The more people with different backgrounds and experiences you come into contact with, and the more information you collect, the easier it is to jump out of a certain obsession - to spend money to buy school district housing for future generations. And once this kind of obsession is rooted in your mind, your life will be limited because of this, because you think that education is the only way to help achieve it. If it does not meet your expectations, then you will be angry because of this, and will spread a lot of grievances to the children. In the end, the parent-child relationship will intensify and torture each other.

So, going back to the beginning, if you lack even your own awareness, and you don’t even have a deeper desire to explore this proposition, then it is bound to be the same to recognize and understand other people, and one has no curiosity about yourself. It is difficult for people to be more curious about others, not to mention understanding others.

Of course, the golden decade is just my own perspective and understanding. Therefore, during this period, I did not consider fertility and marriage. It is not that I rejected any of them. The current mentality is still different from the previous fears. It's me who thinks these things aren't high on my life priorities right now.

At present, I just want to put more thinking and energy on the exploration and research of "myself". If I think that I have reached a certain level of thinking about this proposition, and at the same time have suitable people and good opportunities emotionally, Then the opening of the next stage is just a matter of course, not a boat and a sword.

Finally, everyone’s life stage is different. My experience, thinking and behavior are only for reference. I do not require that you must be in a big city or must not get married and have children in this ten-year stage. After all, everyone faces the environment and background resources. are very different.

The purpose of writing this article is to hope that more people can put the perspective from the outside to the inside, and not put the cart before the horse too much.

Whether it’s making crazy money and longing to buy a house in a first-tier city, or struggling to buy a first-tier city and getting frustrated, or racking my brains on school district housing for the sake of future generations… These thoughts and behaviors in my eyes are separating themselves from “self”. connections and channels.

There are obviously more ways and strategies to solve those seemingly big problems, but there is only one choice in front of you, and the road is getting narrower and narrower. In fact, if the path and perspective change a little, you will find that there are many The broad road is placed in front of you, and the mentality will change from tense to relaxed and easy-going.

In short, I wish you all to set off early and fully understand and know yourself.