Does that make you feel disgusted? ｜Remember Yas 07

I have always been a person whose "emotional expression and reaction" is not the same as that of ordinary people, and I often can't keep up with the rhythm of others. My reaction is a bit slow, I need to "think about it" before I can respond, or I often "do not respond", and The lack of response is more obvious with age.

When I was young in a crowd, "I can't have the same reaction as other people" is actually very out of place and embarrassing , especially when it's "great sadness and joy", I always stand aside unable to fit in, as if I am a cold-blooded Animals, whether happy or sad, can't share with others, and sometimes show an embarrassing smile that seems out of place.

I was constantly groping for the differences between myself and others, and for a long time I might have hated myself because of the loneliness and loneliness formed by these differences. It was not until the characteristic of "Yas" was widely discussed that I found out: ahhhh! It turns out that the expression of emotions varies from person to person, but very few people can really explore inwardly what kind of emotional reactions they will make in which state? So think that "everyone should be the same" or "every situation must be which response."

I have a quirky older sister who has a cool sense of humour and is always ready to answer any kind of silly joke that you can understand if you have a little sense of humour. I often listen to her cold jokes and think: "What the hell are you putting on in your head? I really want to cut it open. How can you react so quickly and tell such a cold joke!"

A few days ago, when she was talking to me as usual, she answered a very cold joke that most people should understand. I heard it, but didn't respond with "Ahhh! You're so funny." This kind of situation should appear quite often in our conversations, but she didn't know how many times she endured it, and finally asked me: "Hey, why didn't you laugh when I just said it? Isn't it funny? I think it's funny. Why are you? No response?"

As if I had regained my senses, I hurriedly answered her: "Ah, ah! I heard it, and it was funny, but I didn't laugh!" Then I asked her again, "Would I feel a little uninvolved if I didn't laugh? Or you? Do you think I don't like your response?"

I just remembered in a panic: Are all my emotional reactions that I didn’t make in the crowd, in addition to not being able to integrate into the group, but also giving people a sense of “unwilling/disdain to participate” and watching from the sidelines?

It's like picking up an unsupported milk cat at home. My mother was so sad that she couldn't eat or sleep well, and she had a lot of incomprehension for my unresponsiveness. Embarrassed and hard to argue, I could only tell her, "Not everyone expresses their sadness by crying."

Or when my cat sister died a while ago and my cat brother died earlier, I didn't shed a few tears. I was always very calm and seemed to have nothing to do with me. Even when my father passed away, I probably cried less than ten times. Minutes, but it took ten years to write about my father, and then I cried while writing. (Maybe writing is my tears.)

I replied to my sister, "I find it funny! Every time you make a cold joke, I understand it, and I find it funny too. I just didn't respond."

As long as most people's jokes are not overdone jokes, I can understand them, but I don't necessarily have a reaction. On the contrary, if they are overdone jokes, I will react and stop them.

Or sometimes when there is no reaction and no expression, expressing "your own opinion" on certain things and appearing "too serious" also often makes others feel a strong sense of distance, and often people even directly label themselves with "disgusted" . ” label?

As a result, when I use instant messaging to type, write emails or leave messages, I often have to add some cute auxiliary words and emojis to express "Uh, I'm not angry!" That's it!

Socialization that cannot be fully evolved is something that Yas like me, who is stuck in the middle of, struggles with. I can only do my best to express: "Ah! I don't hate you!" If I hate you, I won't be with you!

When Yas hates a person, a situation, or a state, he must do whatever he can to escape. How could he be so awkward in a state that makes him uncomfortable! Sometimes it may be because it is comfortable to be by your side, and there is no reaction whatsoever, but let yourself be just like that!

But I finally know: ah! It turned out that the people around me didn't respond to my actions, and there was a sense of lack of participation and fear of being hated/disliked, ah!

It's okay, it's okay, I just don't have the same emotional reaction as most people. Sometimes it's even just that I don't have the means to have any appropriate response like most people, so not expressing is probably the best and safest way.

#I haven't written my own Yas for a long time
#More and more like this talent
#where is it so easy to hate people
#hate people is a very tiring thing

Picture: 20160603 Nara, Canon EOSM2 (Like when I went to Nara, I felt that watching Rotter was boring, I just went to see people! But I really want to go abroad~)