Z and my past--Part 2 <Good Night and the Sea>

⁣ <Good night to Z>

Every time I look at the chat room, I think what are I waiting for? Why do I have to chat with him forever?⁣

⁣ I may be waiting for that good night, every day. ⁣

⁣ It appeared after a brief courtesy, and was sent from the other side of the screen in a different package each day. In fact, it's just an excuse, just good night, just a sense of loss, but I still wait for it to send me a pack to miss the past, so that I can fall asleep holding it like someone else holding a doll. ⁣

⁣ Or waiting for someone to see through my loneliness, or overwhelmed, or what the right answer is, he or she or it. ⁣

⁣ Or I was too nostalgic, so I mistakenly planted a certain soul memory to this person on the other side of the screen. Who will not change? Only memories can stop the pace of time, but people cannot live in memories forever. ⁣

⁣ Remembering the past and moving forward is not a relationship of a and b, but a relationship of a or b. I understand, I just don't want to face it. Atsushi, like the Bungo Stray Dog, kept waiting for the next Dazai's redemption. ⁣

⁣ But Don still walked out in the end, and I ended up staying where I was.

This is me, the disqualified me. ⁣

⁣ I let my own soul stay in the past, alone in the sea of misery that I can't ask for, how can I say sorry to that sad self?⁣ ⁣

I have no idea.

Maybe I should give up drying the fire he gave, and then put my soul into a drift bottle without a compass instead of a boat, and go with the sea of time in a direction with him or without him, waiting to be dropped Pick it up alone.