2022，I matter

Q1: 2022 is coming to an end. Please record one thing you want to remember most this year.

This is such a difficult question. I don't know whether to record the saddest thing or the not sad moment. At this moment, the painful memories seem far away from me, but they can always invade my dreams when I let down my guard. Aren’t memories closer to the present the clearest? But my brain is very stubborn and always clings to certain fragments of the past. I couldn't tell if this unsad me was the real me; I seemed to be a poor imitation of myself. "Am I really alive?" Yes, I am ; and I think this is the most important thing I need to remember at this moment.

Q2: In the third year of the epidemic, every city and everyone’s daily life has begun to become different. What have you lost this year? What are you trying to recover and rebuild?

If the epidemic here refers to Covid, then I think it is almost parallel to me. At least, fortunately, I have never really lost anything because of it. If I had to complain to it, losing the right to take a big breath in a certain space should be the thing that makes me feel the most constrained; even though it is small, it is still annoying.

The epidemic that only belongs to "me" broke out at the end of 2020 and is still spreading and mutating in my body. Since the rainy season this year, I have implemented self-isolation for nearly two months. My dog ​​almost lost me, and the idea of ​​destroying something is too annoying. If you don’t have the courage to stop, then cut off all contact with the outside world, including food. , cleansing, sleeping and waking, and, those who love me.

Day after day, I immersed myself in the boundless sea of ​​sleep, until one day, I suddenly remembered that the end still exists. Birds chirp outside the window in the early morning, the day wakes up, the moon refuses to hide, and the words of a friend ring in my ears at this moment: "If you are willing to say it, I am here." Snap! She jumped, disappeared into the ocean of feeling, and finally could take a big breath with a little safety, and landed on the shore. There are my family, a few friends, and my dog ​​on the shore.

Q3: Please describe a person or thing you met this year that made you concerned.

Care seems to be a very weighty word; therefore, I think that in 2022, I will not meet new people or things that will make me care. There are old people I care about, but I have decided to let them go.

I just moved to a different place in November this year. In the past two months, I have been very lucky to have very sincere exchanges. Although I am not worried, I am very grateful for this in my heart. Maybe it is a "friendship" that lasts for a while.

Q4: Is there any moment in 2022 that made you feel strong emotions? How did you get along with it in the end?

This question is interesting.

The question "How did you get along with it in the end", to me, seems to imply that the previous "strong emotion" was negative, or at least unusual; because few people seem to ask you how you got along with happiness. The more common question is, how do you get along with pain, how do you get through it, and so on.

Just after the winter solstice, it was my first time to live in a mid-to-high latitude country. I regularly go out at 8:20 every morning, and found that the sky was finally getting brighter and earlier; the sunlight here is the pulse of time that my body can feel. . On a cold morning a few days ago, as I was walking all the way to the east station, I looked up and saw a pink cloud with a hint of goose yellow. "It's sunrise!" I whispered excitedly in my mind. Suddenly, I really wanted to cry.

Crying is a complex emotion; if joy or emotion is the keynote, there is always a trace of sadness in the end rhyme, because you know it is about to disappear. The sun will eventually rise and shine on everything.

In the same way, when strong negative emotions arise, I still practice reminding myself, " Wait a little longer and it will pass ."

Q5: In the past year, can you name a point of view that was influenced by others?

I think the most profound lesson I have learned is probably the matter of " idols falling from the altar ". On the surface, no matter how righteous and courageous a person may be, they may have a despicable and nasty side; however, everyone is still human. Slowly, it was time for me to begin to recognize some facts. Keep your distance for safety .

Q6: How has your relationship with your body changed compared to last year? Would you like your body more now?

In fact, I have not taken good care of my body in the past two years, and physiology and psychology influence each other. The two are almost a vicious cycle. However, these days I gradually begin to make up for the debts of the past and try to find myself with conscious eating . However, at the same time, I am still aware that at certain moments I am still looking at my body through the male gaze. I hope that in the new year, I can continue to practice unlearning the gender standards and frameworks I have accumulated since childhood, and accept my body as it is .

Q7: Please share the areas you have newly discovered or continued to work on this year (it can be a newly discovered interest, professional field, urban space, natural secret, or a way to treat yourself or others).

At the beginning of this year, I started to set a daily schedule and use Pomodoro to study by myself for one to four hours a day. Regular life has helped my mental health a lot. Although I am now back to being a full-time worker, I find that I have to keep studying every day. It’s become a lot harder, but I hope I can find the balance to maintain this habit.

Q8: The book/movie/photo/sentence I want to share most this year.

Being able to get through every day is a miraculous thing.

From my dear friend C.

Q9: Please fill in the blank: 2022, _____ Matters.

2022, I matter.

I have to be very selfish and say, I matter, "I" am important.

First of all, I have to take good care of myself so that I can imagine the future.

Q10: (Optional question) Who do you most want to see this questionnaire? Who would you most like to invite to fill out this annual survey?

I hope that next year I will be able to look back on this questionnaire and welcome the start of the new year with great expectations.

I wish you who are reading this a safe new year: )