【Chronicle】It turned out to be falling in love and leaving

The time to return to China is counting down. In fact, the feeling of rejection is very strong, and I have been exploring the source of my emotions. Others are homesick, but I am not, because I love freedom more.

In the year that I couldn't go abroad, I deeply felt the reason: I couldn't control my life and my time; I had to face countless family relationships that made me unhappy, and the suppression of my personal life that suffocated me; You're an adult, but it's better to ask permission instead of telling. These all make me want to escape.

I tasted the taste of freedom in the year of exchange, so I have been yearning for those shiny memories after returning to China. What travel brings is one thing, but the real crux is that I can go out freely, return late, Freely dictate what you want to do today without actually asking for consent. After returning to China, these deprived freedoms made me feel a deep sense of estrangement and exclusion, and I did not want to live such a life.

So I tried my best to find opportunities to go abroad. Once I go abroad, I don’t want to come back. I don’t care if I run away or don’t want to solve it. I have already seen that these things do not and do not need to follow my worldview. So the best way to avoid conflict is to keep distance, distance is beauty. I don't want to wrong myself, and I don't try to change anything.

So I fell in love with leaving.

I have complained to a friend more than once that the question I need to ask when I want to go out is always "can" instead of "I want" affirmative sentence.
The most profound one was when I wanted to go abroad. I had money, leisure and a passport, but I just couldn't go because my family wouldn't let me go. So I can only find "force majeure" reasons to send myself abroad to escape these repressive relationships.

I feel that it is very painful to stay in Taiwan. This is not the life I want. Although it hurts to leave my family and sacrifice the time I spend with my wife, after that year, I know exactly what I am suitable for and what I want. . Maybe I'll regret it later, but I always want to try it now.

Taiwan has everything I'm used to. Maybe it's unwilling, but it's more about the suffocating air, standard outlook on life, endless political correctness, and a society that is close to one word. These external environments make people lose the motivation to develop their potential.

It may also be my own problem. I can't break through and develop myself within these frameworks and fight for my own life, but if I don't need to work so hard in other countries, why should I let myself rush into things that can't be changed?

I love my country very much, and I wish him well, but I also know that he is not a place where I can stay.