How about not being liked?

There should be no one who doesn't like the feeling of being liked, but how much fear do you feel when you are not liked?

A person who is not self-confident and insecure has a higher fear of not being liked , so it is easy to unconsciously show some behaviors to prevent himself from being hated. However, these behaviors are really likable in the eyes of others. Is it right?

Xiao Zhen has always been a girl with insufficient self-confidence. In addition to her unpretentious appearance, her body is also average, and her homework is average. Generally speaking, he is a girl who is average in everything. She is harmless and has no sense of existence in the group. people. Also because of her lack of existence, she seems to be classified into different groups at any time. She is afraid of being pushed around like a ball, so she can think of the way to survive is to try her best to show, please, and fit in groups.

Indeed, these three methods worked, and Xiao Zhen began to be seen in the group. However, this went against her personality because the effect was not bad, so she was forced to not play, and she had to always show a high degree of enthusiasm and excessive enthusiasm. Kind and caring that never refuses.

Once, Xiao Zhen accidentally heard other girls in the group discussing her. Unexpectedly, the other girls said that she was a very pretentious, flattering and arrogant person, so Xiao Zhen collapsed! Did you not expect that you have worked so hard to get the attention and likes of others, and you will end up with a worse evaluation? !

After waiting for her mood to stabilize, Xiao Zhen reflected on what she looked like in the eyes of others. It seemed that she was right at all. That was indeed the reason why she would not be eliminated from the group, but on the contrary, her masked self was even more disliked. , what is the reason?

It's all because of over performance, over flattery, over gregariousness!

Excessive performance: When a person constantly shows his own advantages in a group and deliberately strengthens, publicizes or even lists his exploits to gain the approval of others, such behavior will be disgusting. Because of your performance, everyone has their own judgment in their hearts and does not need to label themselves, let alone force others to accept it. Sometimes your performance is too far from your own description, and it has the opposite effect of deducting points. !

Excessive flattery: In order to make yourself liked by others, you frequently curry favor with others and offer petty favors. This is all to use "human affection" to buy others' liking for yourself. It’s hard to say if you don’t like it from the heart, but sometimes it leads to others thinking that this kind of behavior is flattering, and people who have the habit of flattering will not only flatter one person. this person.

Excessive gregariousness: When a person does not always have his own opinion and cooperates with others in everything, he is the person who is least valued. When others have opinions, they will not come to you, nor will they come to you when others need help. , because such a person is simply classified as a "denominator", probably when you have to pay for eating and singing, but you will never think of you when you really need to discuss important things, because the impression you give people It's just cooperation, and your opinion will probably not be ignored even if you say it.

In particular, I want to say something about being too gregarious. Usually people who yearn for a sense of belonging to the group are easy to take advantage of. For example, when the group hates a person, you also hate it, and even you want to be in the limelight because of excessive performance. Pioneer, you end up not being human, and do you expect the rest of the group to rescue you? Or in the eyes of others, are you just a fool who has no opinion and is easily provoked?

After all, do we need what others see us as?

If fear, where is the real source?

Do you accept yourself well before you want others to accept you?

Being a polite, respectful and good communicator does not mean that we have to turn our back on our original selves. Everything must come from the heart to obtain the most sincere friendship, otherwise only superficial social interaction will not solve the real interpersonal anxiety. .

Practice listening to yourself, soothe yourself, and accept yourself! The real sense of security is given to yourself. If you rely on others, you must be prepared for disappointment and frustration!