The Journey of Independent Learning｜Is it right to support your 15-year-old daughter’s decision to drop out of school?

Last July, our family made a major decision to support our 15-year-old daughter to drop out of school, leave the school with the traditional education system, and switch to an education model of independent learning. For details, you can re-read this article " Why do we support our daughters to drop out of school?" 》.

One year has passed since our independent learning journey. What gains and changes have we made?

1. Emotions and relationships

We are very grateful to have recognized Sudbury Valley Education when we were confused about the future for our daughter. The idea is to believe that everyone will be driven by curiosity to learn independently. Everyone has their own expertise and traits and is unique. Everyone grows on a different timeline and learns differently. The role of parents and educators is to accompany them, give children enough space, help them understand and discover themselves, establish their outlook on life and values, and satisfy their curiosity.

For those of us who are used to study schedules and fixed course arrangements, we were a little overwhelmed at first. Because this is a brand new experience for our family (including grandma). After a period of adjustment, you will gradually realize its subtleties. With the new rhythm of life, the family's mood has relaxed, and the tense atmosphere in the past has gradually changed.

Now my daughter has regained her interest in reading, drawing and writing, and continues to explore and develop in music and drama. We realize that when children feel the love, support and trust of their parents, they will have more confidence and self-love, and become better versions of themselves.

2. Trust

Trusting your children is the hardest thing for parents to do. This often leads to a deterioration in the relationship between them. In the traditional education system, parents and children are often in a tense relationship because they have to catch up with progress and performance, and there is no room for free growth. Parents will not give their children the freedom to try, nor will they allow the possibility of making mistakes. The whole life is surrounded by grades and scores. The pressure makes parents have to control everything (helicopter parents) and make sure that their children are on the path they "should" be and meet the standards they "should" be (tiger mothers, ruthless dads).

"Trust children" is a very important part of Sudbury Valley's educational philosophy. "Trust" means that we will let our children make their own decisions, try and take responsibility, accept their immaturity, tolerate their rebellion when they learn to be independent, and believe that they will get better and better. Sudden Valley’s independent learning has no courses and no teachers. Each child is free to choose and learn according to his or her own interests and curiosity. So, there is no pressure to catch up on homework and grades. Parents have considerable space and flexibility to give their children freedom. This freedom is not without boundaries. This freedom must be in love and truth.

3. Growth

It is the parents' responsibility to educate their children. Any school or educational organization is just a platform. Parents are the soul of their children's education. My daughter dropped out of school and started studying independently. It’s not just her who needs to change, but also us. It’s not just her who needs to learn and grow, but we also need to.

There is no "school" and in a learning environment that emphasizes autonomy, parents no longer have an excuse to shirk responsibility to the school. This is a good thing. Parents cannot tell their children to change all day long and hope that they will grow, but they themselves are unwilling to change or grow. In families where independent learning takes place, parents must lead by example (their responsibilities will be no less than those of parents whose children receive traditional school education). If you want your children to read more, you'd better have a reading habit. You hope that your children will have the will to overcome difficulties and be willing to make breakthroughs. In your life and work, it is best to show them how you face difficulties and how you make breakthroughs within yourself.

We dare not say that we have done a good job. We are on a self-directed learning journey where we learn by doing. I would like to share some insights and experiences with you, hoping to encourage each other. Although others cannot help in many aspects of educating our children, we can share experiences, encourage and support each other.

Life is an adventure journey~

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