Matters Community Activities l One of the rare experiences in life A personal New Year's Eve fireworks show

A while ago, there was a "loneliness rating scale" circulating on the Internet, and the highest rating was "surgery alone." But I want to share an experience that I personally feel is more lonely than having surgery alone.

It happened on New Year's Eve during my freshman year. In the past, I would watch the New Year's Eve fireworks show at Taipei 101 through TV broadcasts. I had only been in Taiwan for less than a year at the time, so I was curious about the 101 firework show, and had been looking forward to witnessing it in person.

That night, I was in the dorm preparing for my final exam. At the beginning, I didn't plan how to spend New Year's Eve, and I didn't know many friends when I first came to Taiwan, so I only planned to use "exam preparation" to celebrate New Year's Eve.

Just thinking about it later, if I miss this once-a-year opportunity, I'll have to wait another year. Considering that the opportunity is rare, I finally decided to go near 101 to see it. Also because I was too afraid to miss this rare opportunity, I set off from the dormitory on a bicycle at about 10:30. In fact, Taipei 101 is less than 20 minutes away by bicycle from my dormitory. I set off at more than 10 o'clock and arrived near 101 very early.

Walking alone in a crowd, suddenly feeling lonely

Probably based on the consideration of maintaining the safety of the people present, some intersections within a few hundred meters of 101 were blocked at that time, and no means of transport were allowed to enter. So after I parked my bike somewhere, I walked into the cordoned area by myself.

What impressed me was that as soon as I walked into the blockade, I saw everyone on the road appearing together and cheering together. I tried hard to find a "stratosphere" like me, who came to the scene alone, but couldn't find it at all. Especially when I walked through a certain intersection, the roadside was full of people who should also be waiting for the fireworks show. Watching them look at me walking alone in the middle of the road, with no one around me, I suddenly felt lonely, like an alien who was abandoned by relatives and friends on New Year's Eve and didn't know what to do.

Originally, I just had the feeling of holding fireworks, so I came alone. But actually getting there, I started to realize something was wrong. I walked among the crowds that were almost all accompanied, and it seemed that it was a strange and incompatible thing for me to appear there at that moment. My mind began to waver, and it seemed to me that the crowd was looking at me in a weird, maybe pitiful way.

I have nowhere to hide, I just try to make myself less lonely

So, I wanted to find a deserted alley to hide. But the most frightening thing is that there are people in almost every corner within 101 meters. I can't find the so-called "empty alley" at all. I have nowhere to hide.

In order to reduce my own pity, I did an even more pitiful thing. I went somewhere closer to 101 and it was full of people. I walked in there, sticking to the crowd aimlessly, moving with the flow. At the moment, I just feel that the only way I can make myself look like I’m not alone is to travel through the crowd. Also because it was crowded, no one should have noticed that I came alone. But looking back now, it makes me feel more lonely and sad.

I forgot how I wasted time. I only remember that from 10:00 to 12:00 in the morning, this more than one hour, it is a very long period of time to constantly strive to make myself look less lonely and pitiful in the crowd. I finally went to a certain community residence and waited for the 101 fireworks show. Although there were still a group of people watching the fireworks, but I didn't care about that much.

Looking back now, I think that watching fireworks alone is indeed terribly lonely. But what's even more frightening is that in order to make yourself look less lonely, you are the most lonely when you try very hard to make yourself not look lonely. It may be you who truly makes yourself alone!

After that, I will never watch the New Year's Eve fireworks by myself again. But every time I share this with my friends, they respond to me with a look of wonder and wonder. While it's not a serious, life-threatening event, few of my friends dared to do it. This makes me feel as if I have also unlocked a certain "achievement" in life that is impossible for ordinary people to achieve.