193 | Huang Zhebin: Father-son relationship is like adventure time treasure
Text / Zhong Qiaoting (Graduated from the Department of Politics and Society of National Taiwan University, I believe that translation is an INTER-VIEW of the interaction of different perspectives. Seeing the world is ultimately to look back on oneself, No man is an island.) (Original post published on August 6, 2022)
Huang Zhebin, 57 years old, a journalist, has 2 sons (Huang Dabao, who was promoted to the second grade, and Huang Erbao, who was promoted to the first grade). Lives in Taipei now.
There are many things in life that are not planned.
I used to think it would be fine to be a freelance bachelor alone, but when I became a dad at 40, the world after becoming a father was completely different. I have grown a sense of responsibility, I will think about them in my actions, think about what kind of life I want to give them, and what kind of world they will face when they grow up. The two roles of "self" and "father" continue to dialectical each other.
Now I am a senior father with more than ten years of experience, and they are not that soft baby. Now that both of my sons were teenagers, I had to spend more time and patience talking to them about what to do about everything; they had their own patterns of behavior and occasionally got into trouble and made their family unhappy.
This is when I have to remind myself: How did I spend my teenage years? What was the most unacceptable part of your parents back then? When I was a teenager, I had a very tense relationship with my family. At this time, I would also talk to my past self, play their role, and think about whether I should communicate with them in another way.
The parents of the previous generation were in the "manufacturing industry", and the parents of this generation were in the "service industry"
I once joked that the parents of the previous generation tended to think more about "manufacturing", with standard modules or manufacturing processes, and their imagination of their children was relatively simple and standardized, and those with good grades would go to the National Taiwan University Medical Department; The customer-oriented "service industry" will observe children's interests and expertise, and accompany him to make customization attempts.
Parents of the previous generation spent a lot of effort to get rid of material scarcity, and most of their upbringing was a one-way straight-ball match-they gave orders, and the children followed suit. But like now, after becoming a father myself, I began to know how to negotiate with my children, hold family meetings, and discuss big and small matters such as which school to go to.
To a certain extent, I'm quite "fortunate" that my youth experience and family experience are not so harmonious, and now they have become a buffer, and I can look at them softly now that they have become a hurricane teenager with excess hormones and often in a state of anxiety. Because I used to be like this myself. Relatively speaking, my wife has had a good relationship with her parents since she was a child, and now she needs more time to adjust psychologically: the two little brothers who were so cute in the past are now starting to have their own ideas. I told him that it is better to go east, but to go west.
I published a book "Future Media I See" before. This is also observed from my son. The children of this generation are "digital aborigines" and are very skilled in using technological tools, but they often lack the knowledge and methodology behind how to use information and view the media. Like the protagonist of a martial arts novel, Not knowing the dangers of the rivers and lakes, he went to the martial arts to fight with others.
I hope this book will encourage them to enthusiastically and actively apply the good and positive aspects of the Internet, and also remind them how to navigate the world. For example, how do you protect your privacy? What should I do if I encounter acid bullying? How to prevent internet addiction from affecting normal life? ...... This is what I have seen from my children's daily life, and they are also the exam questions they gave me.
So far, I am still a very funny father to my sons, and they dare to joke with me. Of course, when it comes to major life decisions, I still discuss them seriously, but usually we get along just by fighting and joking with each other, like playmates. They often call my Adventure Time character "Old Pi."
Become a family in shared memory
After the two sons went to middle school, they needed less and less time to accompany them. Now they have their own schedule during the summer vacation. Even at home, they have video lessons. I joked that I was now their own Uber driver or Foodpanda delivery driver, and in addition to picking up and dropping off, I was preparing dinner for them. Our whole family still chats at dinner time, and after dinner, we watch movies, follow dramas, and talk about baseball and so on.
My two children are not gifted, nor do we expect that from them. The sense of achievement and fun is the accumulation of many daily small things in the process of getting along with each other, such as the first time they learned to swim, ride a bicycle, or from the three of us playing baseball on the river bank together, and now they can hit the ball to the whole field of the practice field. Outside the base wall, I saw their happiness.
There are also family trips. I still cherish the experience of traveling around the island with the whole family several times during the summer vacation. Where did I go, what I experienced, and what delicious food I ate at each stop during the trip. These are inhumane memories for us. But it is the happy memory of being a parent, and it is in these shared memories that we become a family.
To me, dad is not necessarily a role or job, nor is it paid. I think being a father is a "social responsibility by biological choice" - you and your significant other have chosen to carry on the next generation, and you must take responsibility for them to become independent, responsible individuals who can contribute a little to the world. By the time we're all gone, they can still develop their lives happily and meaningfully, at least without burdening others. (Finish)
[This article was originally published in "Walk the World": Huang Zhebin: The relationship between father and son is like an adventure treasure ]
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193. Huang Zhebin: Father-son relationship is like adventure time treasure
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