Postscript/Three Days and Nights of Hysteria: Covid and whatever

The mood for those three days and two nights was almost like this.

"Will it still sing the same as you after many twists and turns / How do you know that your instrument / melody and the song in your heart / have the same wavelength"

My breakdown came when, the week after Mother's Day, on a Friday morning, a colleague who was home on sick leave told his superior (and us in the group) that he had symptoms of COVID-19, and then In fact, my upper respiratory tract was also very uncomfortable and was extremely sore. With fear, I resolutely asked for leave to go to the hospital for PCR screening.

After completing the examination at 4:00 pm on Friday, the hospital instructed to wait for the results at home, and self-health management for three days, do not have contact with the residents, isolate as much as possible, if you do not receive a notification from the hospital after three days, it is negative and fine , You can live a normal life, but you should also take your body temperature according to three meals, pay attention to changes in your physical condition, and so on.

Colleagues who were on sick leave also did a quick screening (the one with lower accuracy?), which was also negative.

During the three days and two nights at home waiting for the results, I was very, very scared. Not to mention that the child is still very young, at that time just after Mother's Day, I took my child to the church to watch performances, and went back to my parents' house to eat and sing with the 90-year-old elders. What about others? What if there are more people, more families, because I am affected?

My child is still so young, he can't speak very well, he just learned to say "I love mom" to me, when he can't even define what love is, what if something happens to me, what should he do? What should I do with everyone I love?

I put all my fear and panic in words. You can only keep writing, keep telling yourself not to do divination, not to scare yourself, just take care of yourself quietly and wait for the news from the hospital.

After that, the whole family of the colleague who asked for sick leave soon tested positive, so she was quarantined by Kuang Lie, and everyone in the office was screened. It’s so expensive), my husband’s company even shut down for a day and the whole company was cleared.

Another weekend of waiting for the outcome, another intense fear, and another panic that can’t be said to others.

Then, the epidemic broke out in Taiwan.

Since I was separated from my child at 5:00 p.m. on Mother's Day and sent back to my parents' home in the mountains, I haven't seen him for almost two months, and I can't even be with him on his birthday, watching him run and jump through video. , Watching him hug his family, watching him yelling at the camera for father and mother, I can only hold back the tears, and after hanging up the phone, I hold the quilt and cry again and again.

I hate people who turn a blind eye to war.

I hate those survivor bias after another.

One after another image of the future was fragmented in my mind, and one thing after another was only a bubble, as if the whole world was disintegrating for three days and two nights.

Afterwards, it was all right. Looking back, I felt that I was too stupid to be dramatic, but occasionally I would wake up in a cold sweat when I dreamed about those two weekends in the middle of the night.

Some people and some things are not so easy to let go.

As for why the poems that can't be called poems are all conveyed language, because my husband, who has been quarantined with me, can't understand my fears, my family has a lot of opinions about me sending my children to the country, they feel I just shied away from my responsibilities as a mother. But who can understand the fear of those who still have to go to work, to work, to operate in the heart of the city during the war - those of every "us" like me?

In the present moment, the pain of separation has not disappeared, but it has become relatively calm. I know that he will be safe. My husband and I all love him dearly. Every member does their best to protect and cherish him. It is not just me, and it is not just me and my husband who are concerned about his health and growth. His safety is my most important and biggest wish right now.

Just remember, remember the three days and nights of hysteria, remember the fear of uncontrollable death, remember those emotions, and remember those who don't know how to say the care.