How to Win Friends & Influence People: Read <Human Weakness>

Just finished reading Dale Carnegie's "The Weakness of Humanity", this book is called the "Bible" of social psychology and interpersonal communication, and the New York Times once commented that "Besides the Statue of Liberty, Carnegie is a symbol of America". I read It is a Chinese translation, and the overall feeling after reading it is that there is no new or unique advice and suggestions in the book, especially for those who have read a certain psychological knowledge, this book is just some tips based on basic psychology. Add some successful applications from celebrities or ordinary people. Still, this book is worth reading, because there are many principles you may not be able to summarize by yourself. Pick a few points that are most meaningful to me and record here, also add Here are some of my personal experiences and insights from my personal life and work.

1. Don't try to convince people by arguing

This is what I have felt the most in recent years, especially when everyone's opinions are becoming more and more divided, whether on the Internet or in the real world. We have witnessed wars of words large and small, but we have hardly seen anyone who can pass the Debate changes the other party's point of view. From a psychological point of view, when everyone hears others refuting their own views, the first instinctive reaction is to find reasons to fight back against the other party, but will not think about whether what the other party proposes is justified. So , the biggest possibility of an argument is that both sides have strengthened their original beliefs, and at the same time feel that the other party is stupid. What if you have the upper hand in the debate? You hurt the other party's self-esteem and make him feel Being inferior and resentful about your victory, so even if that person seems convinced by your opinion at the time, he doesn't change his mind because of it. Carnegie said it well, there is only one way to win an argument, and that is to avoid it . I will not try to convince my friends and family to agree with my ideas, especially my parents, and I will not debate with people on the Internet. It is good to express my own opinions. In my opinion, whether a person is truly mature is one of the signs It probably depends on whether he/she can peacefully accept that other people are different from themselves.

2. Don't always just focus on yourself, most of the time others don't care and don't care about you

We tend to spend a lot of time and energy trying to get noticed. Some people like to talk about their experiences and achievements to get attention, and some people like to talk about their misfortunes to everyone around them for comfort, and everyone People generally do not like such people. It is not only that people's joys and sorrows are not connected and cannot empathize, but that most people really care about themselves. The word was used most frequently, and the answer was "I", which was used 3,900 times in 500 phone calls. Conversely, if you sincerely show concern for others, it is very important It's easy to win the other party's favor, especially if you can say something unique about the other party. I recently started participating in some online conferences for contract negotiation, and I noticed that the salesmen often ask the other party first, such as "You just went on vacation from xx When you come back, how about the food?" or "How do you feel about joining a xx club recently?", the decision maker on behalf of the customer will always happily chat for a while, so that the atmosphere of the meeting will be met. Good from the start. In summary, the principles Carnegie summed up were: build interest in others, and pay genuine attention to others.

3. Increase sincere praise and gratitude, and avoid unnecessary accusations and criticisms

Famous psychologist BF Skinner found in animal experiments that rewards are more effective than punishments, and animals that receive rewards learn faster than animals that receive punishment. From a psychological point of view, criticism first causes resistance from the other party, making people anxious Defend, and the other party may have hatred based on feeling self-esteem hurt. Praise and thanks vs accusation and criticism, I have a deep experience in different workplaces, I used to work in a Chinese company when I first came to Canada, from boss to employee to service The clients are basically Chinese. The deepest feeling at that time was from the boss to the manager to the agent. As long as the level is higher than yours, you will always pick mistakes, and you will hardly hear any praise, not to mention the thanks from above. Compared with the later work The company is really different. Take it now, from the sales to the CFO who deal with each other every day, saying "really appreciated" "You are the best", and the manager is always praising "amazing, beautiful work" and so on. As a newcomer to the contract review, it is inevitable that mistakes will be made, but the above will never criticize, it is okay to say after I keep saying sorry, and I hardly hear anyone publicly accusing and complaining about a certain person. In such an atmosphere, working The mood naturally improved, and it also influenced me to make gratitude and appreciation for my colleagues around me a part of my daily life. But I don’t know why, I am used to praise and gratitude in an English context, and it’s a lot worse when I go back to Chinese, maybe it’s The culture of Chinese society that emphasizes modesty and low-keyness has been deeply embedded in the language.

Regarding communication skills, it is one thing that most people know how to do it, and it is another thing to do it themselves. Just ask how many of us can always remind ourselves when communicating with others not only Pay more attention to yourself and the other person, avoid arguing with the other person about inconsistencies, often give the other person appropriate thanks and praise, and reduce unnecessary criticism and accusations of others. Human instinct will urge us to do things that meet the emotional needs of the moment but do not What is actually beneficial is actually harmful, so it is called "the weakness of human nature". My suggestion is, don't just interpret these tips as successful learning, and apply them to life and work to make yourself more comfortable. It is true.