I invite you to observe: When we or others refer to "male" to describe ideas related to sex, what are we talking about?

 "Men just know how to masturbate" "Men are lustful by nature" "Men are too depressed to have an affair" "Men just like big boobs" "Men just don't like women who are too lewd" "Men just can't control it"

Are these sentences saying "all men are like this", "I am like this", "one man I know is like this" or "some men I know are like this"?

A lot of times it 's not all men, it's just something that happens to "me" or "someone I know".

Speakers who use groups (i.e., "all men _________") to refer to everyone may do so after considering a number of factors—such as refraining from revealing their personal thoughts, having been hurt by members of a group, wishing Obtain the recognition of people of the same gender present, use group explanations to feel more representative, and get used to expressing correctness with numbers or large ratios, etc.

 The translation of the picture example is as follows.
A: Actually, if the person who took the photo for you is a man or a woman, how can he focus on me: If you can’t focus, it doesn’t mean that others can’t focus A: I can’t focus on a girl who is so straight. Don't blame the man, it's just you who can't do it A: Just asking, please pay attention, I didn't blame others, thank you

If you identify as a man and see the examples above, you'll be like, "I don't think so, how does this guy put the blame on all men?"

You can understand that this is endorsement and being endorsed.

Why should the group of men take the blame for all the so-called "wrong" men? Just because it happens that the so-called "mistake" is male? Do we dare to face ourselves? Do you have to drag the whole group into the water? Can't we just be ourselves? Can't the erroneous person just be the erroneous person?

Why do we form a way of using groups (such as "men") to refer to everyone?

Because of this management method, we have been experiencing and learning from small to large.

As early as when we entered the field of socialization—going to the toilet in kindergarten, we were already practicing gender classification; various studies or market surveys encountered on the way of growth would always classify the subjects as "male/female", and then use the big ratio Infer various gender characteristics in the form of numbers, and then conclude that "male/female is ______", but obviously there may be many factors that make everyone make different decisions, erasing the uniqueness of people, in order to find "quantifiable" Most traits.

Is it a characteristic of gender itself, or is it educated? In fact, this is the problem of "the chicken first decides the egg", which is essentially mutual influence-the imagination of gender is constructed, then consolidated through life education, and then the requirements for gender are continuously constructed.

Did you know that conversation itself is an education?

You can try to recall whether you or others have ever said to your children: "Boys are going to the men's bathroom", "Boys just like sports", "Boys should help carry things", "Boys should not cry", "Boys must protect others ", "Boys just want to pee standing up"

 We have been influenced by different education and life experiences based on the "gender frame" since we were young. We identify your gender according to the reproductive organs you have, and then require you to live in accordance with the growth template of this gender.

Those gender frameworks are not necessarily unique, as long as the educator wants to, they can use the gender framework to restrict you; before you know how to explore the world, the educator has already told you in which direction you can explore.

This way is not wrong. After all, educators already have life experience and know the way the world works, so they usually think that teaching according to the existing way, hoping to make your growth smoother. When a child is "not well-behaved", the parent will say "Boys are so naughty" and "Girls are more considerate". Is this true? Is gender just what it is, or are there other factors that shape the personalities we grow into?

Gender is a convenient pronoun and a convenient management device.

Gender will be affected by social, cultural, policy and other factors at that time. Since the requirements of different genders are different in each age, when someone tells you "You should be ____ if you are a boy", it may be that he wants to rationalize his expectations of you and hold the whole group responsible.

 Just because you are a boy does not mean that you are strong, tall, gentle, proactive, careless, caring for the family, lustful, humorous, forgetful, earning money to support the family (delete 10,000 requirements below). Can you think of which characters, values, events, concepts, books, images, etc. behind the characters have influenced you to form your current personality or appearance?

By the way, Tucao:
Those "boy/girlfriend snack papers" (that is, the expectations of partners, such as respect, understanding, listening, etc.), whether they are only required for a single gender, or can gender be taken away--it is the responsibility of every human being. What should we all achieve?

If you can understand that gender is only one of the factors, not the decisive factor, can you start from yourself and change the way of referring to everyone by groups (such as "men")? Because it is very likely that this way of speaking has formed a kind of oppression.

The next time you hear someone say "men are like this", maybe we can all say "Hey, don't speak for all men" or "Is it all men, or yourself?"

 We can only speak for ourselves.
You can basically change all the "male" words above to any gender pronoun, even any group pronoun.

No group has absolute standards. Let us not be oppressors. To make a change, start by being aware of your own words and deeds.

So on the issue of sex, why are "men wronged"? Where is the injustice? Is it really "injustice"?

After talking about how the concept of so many groups has been appropriated, I would like to invite all readers who are going to read on to try to put down their gender identity before reading-why put down your gender identity, the reason is that I hope readers understand what I said The concept I try to bring out is not referring to you (a person of a certain gender), but to understand how the gender frame affects different genders.

 [Phew, the next part is super complicated] If you feel offended or uncomfortable while reading it, you're welcome to come back when you're ready. Because my purpose is not to criticize men, but to try to sort out the "reality" created by the historical context with everyone.

When men feel that "I am wronged on sexual issues" and have done nothing but seem to be considered offensive, let's try to pull away and see how society works? (Related articles can be seen because I lack that one, so it is taken for granted that it is regarded as lacking aggression. )

Our words and deeds come from learning from our growth experience—whether an individual (individual) feels entitled or not, and whether an individual (individual) wants to admit or deny it, it will not damage the fact that the current social system is still a "patriarchal system".

 Try to quote the definition for you guys to understand the concept:
Allan G. Johnson "Gender Knots: Dismantling Patriarchal Illegal Construction" P.22 

What is the patriarchal system? A society is patriarchal, that is, it has a certain degree of male-dominated, male-identified, and male-centered

Patriarchy refers to male dominance, which means that positions of authority are generally occupied by men. …When a woman enters such a position, people realize that there are always exceptions to the rules and wonder how the woman will be compared to a man in the same position. We rarely test a man in this way. …If a man cannot achieve the level that a woman can achieve, it will be interpreted as a symbol of superiority. …Male dominance creates power differences between men and women.

I invite you to think about it too, where can we see the fact of this "patriarchal system"? Provide some examples: Ding Quan is only passed on to males and not females, only males are named in the genealogy, the image of the head of the family is usually male, males are required to be the dominant in sexual activities, etc.

Please be sure to note that these "factual practices" are not chosen by men , but have been handed down from the world, or in other words-yes, these practices are "hard-fed" by men now, but these practices are A human right that men are accustomed to, in fact these practices are "male privilege" compared to other genders.

Even if you (probably male) think "I didn't choose to have these privileges", it still doesn't detract from the fact that you have more advantages.

So what is it about "men are wronged on sexual issues"? This has to mention the coping styles that everyone has learned sexually under the long-term mode of "male domination".

Because men have always been educated to be a "dominant" and "aggressor", sexual activities also place men in a position of "must take the initiative". Men who are active in sexual activities will be praised, and men who are passive will be degraded , these attitudes allow men to learn "I need to be an aggressor to be respected."

For example, when a man tells rape jokes, "These girls are even worse than me", when a boy lifts a girl's skirt or flicks a girl's bra, the laughter of others is a kind of encouragement, and it also makes growing men mistakenly believe that they have power and do not need others Consent can arbitrarily invade others.

Over time, we have become accustomed to " indulging men's aggressive behavior ", and the social atmosphere formed is "just for fun, don't take it so seriously", downplaying these malicious uses of power, and let men learn that I can manipulate power and will be accepted of.

Even when it comes to sexual violence, we are more often taught to respond in a “victim-blame” way than to examine why the perpetrator feels entitled to harm others.

The "patriarchal system" is a convenient path. Even though people may vaguely feel that they are also oppressed, the cost of changing based on human habits and needs is greater, so I don't want to make too many changes.

In the final analysis, this path of least resistance is also a "choice".

In such an atmosphere, men are blamed for "not a privilege they choose to have", and men are not wronged for "why can't you be aware of the privilege you originally had".

Men feel wronged on sexual issues, possibly based on "I just don't enjoy those privileges" - including inexperienced, not as popular as other men, or even feeling "Is it because I am not aggressive enough" that I don't get it? these privileges.

But we must understand that power is composed of many factors besides gender, and gender is not the only factor. As far as the oppression faced by gender is concerned, it is an indisputable fact that in a male-dominated society, men have more power.

 It is vaguely circulated that there are many conveniences that belong to men-for example, career is the proof of men's hard work, but other genders (such as women, transgender, etc.) will be questioned about their ability to work or whether they can use other means to succeed, etc. .

It's not women, it's not the other genders, it's the system itself that keeps men from enjoying those privileges - the system that promotes competition, promotes masculinity - so anyone who doesn't live up to the system's expectations is oppressed .

It does not mean that men are not oppressed. Under the requirements of the patriarchal system, men who do not conform to men's imagination, such as those who are feminine and short, may be attacked as "sissy" and "like a girl", but have you noticed?

The context of these attacks is to demean the other gender and then put men in that demeaned position, which is all about gender oppression .

We live in a society that promotes toxic masculinity, can you realize that you are being manipulated, but at the same time you are an agent who can make a change?

What can men do in the face of this dilemma? Is it necessary to take this "involuntary advantage" hard, and then bear the consequences of gender original sin?

I don't want to answer the question of "what can be done" because I don't want to fall into the situation of mansplain - I believe that everyone who is willing to be aware of himself must be able to discover the power relationship between himself and others.

 Mansplain (male preaching), that is, a condescending attitude that others are ignorant and need to listen to their own opinions

I prefer to believe that "we all understand the truth, but we are just willing to persevere." I hope everyone can understand the context of social development, and then think about whether I should continue to follow the existing laws, or some things are worth discovering by myself and explore.

Regarding "Is the male group wronged on sexual issues?" The last thing I want to say is that this is a matter of perspective and perspective.

I feel wronged, it's a real feeling.

But when you try to understand the historical context that created this feeling, what actions would/can we take in response to this feeling? This is everyone's subject.