The deepest loneliness is when you see the limits of a relationship

I don’t know how everyone views and pursues relationships with others?

In recent months, I have been feeling lonely easily, this feeling is relatively unfamiliar to me, because I have never felt this way in the past, this feeling of not being able to understand myself while being able to share the daily loneliness with others , I think anyone who has experienced it should be able to appreciate it, but it's actually quite melancholy. However, compared to loneliness, I used to feel lonely, especially when I was clarifying my thoughts and making important decisions, and I could feel it the most every time at this time: "Ah, this is really my life! I'm the master." Otherwise, there's actually not much chance to feel how much control I have over my life.

Pull away. Come back and talk about my own thoughts on relationships.

I have always been a person with clear preferences. This trait is reflected in different aspects of life such as study, friendship standards, diet, etc. I am also a person who has no boundaries with trusted people. I will bathe and chat with my friends, Sharing bad and good relationship histories with my partner, and even talking about my sex life with my mother; for me, doing these things is easy, and I enjoy it because it brings each other closer, really The way to understand what each other looks like.

"Deep emotional connection" may be the most important pursuit in my life. Money income, family relationship, social status, and love are important, but they are still nothing compared to the connection with people. After all, in the case of several disappointments, it is a reminder, a support or a hug from my friends. Take courage again, gain full energy, and move forward.

Perhaps since then, I have come to believe that human relationships can be beautiful, close and loving, and when love flows continuously back and forth in each other's hearts, these become the nourishment and support that nurture our lives. strength. However, instead of making me more open-minded, having such beliefs made me more and more difficult and critical in interpersonal relationships.

A few months ago, the only 8-year-old friend who would contact me every day left my life circle. I think this has a lot to do with my "attachment". When you are too attached to one person, sometimes you can't manage the distance between each other and the strength of your words, which leads to a situation that is out of control. I have heard similar stories in the past, but I didn't expect it to happen to me. Thought I was emotionally independent. It seems to be the biggest misunderstanding of himself.

It wasn't until he left that I realized how much I needed a friend who could share my daily life. When life has no one to share, only the word loneliness is enough to describe it.

So, in order to eliminate the unbearable loneliness, I began to change the way I get along with old friends, hoping to inject more possibilities into the relationship through different methods; of course, some relationships become deeper, but when I see that some relationships are difficult At the breakout, I was in a low ebb again. I don’t know if you have ever had this kind of experience. In some relationships, you can feel that you are partners who can break through the existing relationship model together, while in some relationships, you can see the limits of the relationship; In the interaction of friends, I saw it, and when I realized it, the original desire to share disappeared in an instant, and the loneliness struck again.

In fact, I haven't thought of what to do to make loneliness disappear, and loneliness will still visit suddenly, but I don't plan to turn it away. After all, it is an important existence that makes me look different at this stage. Maybe it will take a while, months, or even years to get along with it, but I think, in short, let's try to get along with it first, maybe we can become important partners for each other one day.

I don't know if this counts as Taipei's certification? Growing up in Taipei, I felt lonely for the first time, perhaps because I finally became a Taipei native.