Meditations and Shouts on the Last Night of 2021

Due to the time difference and busyness of each other, my boyfriend and I have been using email communication since early December, and we don’t often chat in pieces on instant messaging (although we couldn’t resist chatting during Christmas because of the holiday). We write each other a briefing every night before going to bed, summarizing our thoughts and thoughts for the day, sharing interesting things, and telling stories about our respective hardships.

The following is a briefing I wrote to my boyfriend on December 31, 2021. Since I feel that this briefing does not involve privacy and is somewhat public, I want to share it with you.

2021 is finally coming to an end, and it has been a long, difficult, depressing year and, for me personally, another dangerous but free year. I've finally found a path to stick with what makes sense to me, and it does take some courage. I remember that during the New Year's Eve in 2019, I was also in a deep political depression, but at that time I was lonely and confused, and I couldn't see the direction more clearly than now. That year I wish I could be braver in 2020.

I don't think I'm much braver in 2020. It's just that I have thought more about things and figured out a lot of things because of the lockdown, but I still haven't taken any obvious actions. But as I look back on 2021 today, I do feel like I'm a lot braver than I was before. But at the same time, I am not without fear. I often think of what Mr. Luo Xiang said: "Among all the virtues of human beings, bravery is the most scarce. When the god of fate pushes you to the moment of bravery, I hope you can be as brave as you imagined." If 2022 There are still such moments in the year, I hope I can at least be brave and stick to the belief in my heart.

I don't like New Year's Eve outside, especially after last year, I want to keep every new year eve by myself. It’s the best time to wrap up and reflect on the year, and it’s also the quietest and most settled time—no work, no urgent news to come back, and no friends to interrupt, because everyone else is out. I can really think about things that I think are important, and I can cry. In fact, when I wrote the last paragraph, I was already crying silently.

Fireworks are blooming in London outside the window, and the noise of people in the street can be vaguely heard. The roommate also went to a friend's house for a party today, and everyone in the chat box is wishing each other a happy new year. On this side of the curtain, I sat typing alone under the dim light, cut off from the outside world, and felt very peaceful and at ease.

Like many people, I cannot foresee any certainty about the year ahead. The world around us and the world is still in uncertainty, and the future is still so. I also don't make any clear plans or have pessimistic or optimistic expectations about what I really want to accomplish or ideals. I just need to know that I am still walking on this not very safe and stable path. I can go as far as I can and give as much as I can, as if enough is enough.

All in all, it certainly won't be an easy year, but it's still hopeful. There is a saying to share with you, "The road is long and long, don't sing sad songs." This sentence accompanied me in many moments of depression.

I hope you can also work hard and make progress towards the New Year's resolution mentioned in your video, and touch more people. mutual encouragement!

Happy new year again!