Why we choose to live alone: read <Single Society>

A few days ago, I was chatting with an old domestic friend who I hadn’t contacted for a long time. When talking about the current state, I felt that I would probably end up alone. However, I didn’t feel anxious or eager to change, but I really felt This kind of life is very good, you can freely control your time and space, you can focus on what you want to do, and you don’t have to worry about family responsibilities and partnership. We even mentioned that when you are old and really full of pain, you can choose Euthanasia (Canada is also legalized anyway). Just these days I am reading "Single Society" by American writer Eric Klinenberg, and I also read a lot of interesting things.

The original English title of this book is <Going solo: the extraordinary rise and surprising appeal of living alone>. The beginning of the book points out that living alone has become an increasingly common phenomenon in modern society. "In the 1950s, the United States Only 22% of the population lives alone, and today, more than half of Americans are single. And of those, 31 million live alone—that’s almost one-seventh of the adult U.S. population. 28% of the total household registration, making it the most common form of family in the United States, even surpassing the share of the nuclear family." (This book was published in 2015, and I believe this number will only be higher in 2021) Of course, this phenomenon is not only seen in Western countries such as Europe and the United States, but also in Eastern countries such as China, Japan, and South Korea, especially in relatively developed regions. This trend is also rising, that is, more and more people live alone. Therefore, , living alone, is no longer the lifestyle chosen by a small group of relatively alternative or avant-garde people, as it was decades ago, but has formed a large social group and brought unprecedentedly powerful and inevitable of social change.

The author first analyzes the rise of the "single society" from the social and cultural level. On the one hand, the status of women is constantly improving. As more and more women are able to receive higher education and enter the workplace, they are entering marriage and childbirth. The age of women is also being pushed back, and many women no longer regard building a family and raising children as their first priority in life. On the other hand, modern society has begun to promote a new moral standard, and people have begun to agree that caring for oneself is as important as taking care of the family , and modern marriage, in addition to its traditional function, is also endowed with the meaning of "a relationship established and maintained through the emotional satisfaction of an intimate relationship with another", and when the family fails to facilitate the individual's realization and satisfaction of emotions Divorce becomes a ready-made option when you need it. This is also similar to my opinion and many of my friends, if getting married or maintaining a fixed partnership will not make your life better, it will even reduce your quality of life, Then it's not worth it. Of course, with the continuous progress of society, especially in big cities with developed economy, people's acceptance of diversified lifestyles is getting higher and higher, whether they choose to be single or live alone or DINK, There is no longer the huge social pressure as before (in fact, it seems that no one will ask you these questions in big cities in Europe and America, of course, except your parents), which is also the reason for the increase in the number of single people living alone.

Many people talk about living alone, often thinking that this lifestyle will lead to loneliness and even isolation from the world, and will also cause more psychological problems. However, the author points out in this book that most single people are enthusiastic They are more interested in eating out, exercising, participating in various courses, public and public welfare activities, etc. than their married counterparts of the same age. I basically agree with this point, look at the married people around you. I am a friend who has children, many of whom devote almost all their time outside of work to their families, and we still have a lot of time and energy to volunteer in fitness reading courses, but it depends more on personal character and current situation. In addition, in this age of highly developed communication technology, as long as you want and need, you can keep in touch with people anywhere at any time. Of course, I don’t think remote communication can replace face-to-face communication, but there is no Undoubtedly, the rise of electronics and social media has made it easier for singles to stay close to the outside world, while at the same time enjoying absolute personal space and freedom when they need it, which is why countless people choose to live alone— — Most single adults are reluctant to take the risk of a possible "trouble roommate" as long as the financial situation permits.

Of course, choosing to live alone will inevitably face many challenges. The first is the economic cost. It is definitely more expensive for a single person to afford housing and other expenses than to bear the expenses with a partner; in terms of life, living alone means that all the big and small things in life are You have to make your own decisions and deal with it yourself, especially when you are ill or encounter other emergencies. After all, friends around you can’t help much. Although the society is more tolerant and accepting, sometimes it is inevitable that people will suffer from relatives. Pressure from friends (especially parents, young Chinese people should be very aware of this); Finally, even though they choose to live alone and feel that this kind of life is in line with their requirements, they can’t help but feel at some point in time. Question yourself: Why didn’t I find a partner at the right time to settle down? Would my life be happier now if I had chosen to get married? Am I really ready to be alone when I’m older? ?

In my opinion, living alone, getting married and having children are all lifestyle choices that you choose, and they all have their own benefits and costs. What matters is, after all, life is for oneself, marriage, divorce, parenting, singleness, not to meet the expectations of others or to gain the approval of others. For me now, I prefer to spend my time in In my life and work, there is no pressure to get married in other areas, and for the endless urging of my parents (my dad sometimes just wants to cut off the relationship with me), my current state of mind is also very peaceful, no I will argue with them, and I will not ask them to accept my point of view, because I understand their considerations and concerns very well. It is best for everyone to respect each other. If parents really want to use authority to force, at least avoid conflicts. Ju also does not rule out the possibility of a sudden change one day, life is always full of surprises, isn't it?