workplace verbal bullying - the victim is more like a sinner than the perpetrator

There was a little incident in the company yesterday that made me want to use words to relieve some negative energy. Usually, our attention and cognition of bullying lies in physical bullying and the most often overlooked is verbal bullying. Victims who are often hurt by language are criticized as glass-hearted. In fact, people in the workplace are very lacking in empathy. A lot of people misunderstand empathy = compassion but it's actually quite different. Empathy is more important than compassion. Before we can have empathy for others, we must first empathize with ourselves, understand our emotions, and be kind to ourselves. If you can't even empathize with yourself, how can you empathize with the difficulties of others?

The hero and heroine of today's story are Mr. Toad and Miss Ant. Let me introduce Mr. Toad first. He is the company's deputy marketing manager. The character is profit-oriented, bitter and mean, and likes to make small moves to get credit. The company is his heaven and earth. He spends more time at the company than spending time with his wife at home, including when he does not work on weekends, he will also come to the company. Of course, the boss likes employees who take the initiative to work hard. Every time, he will volunteer to help the boss deal with the company's big and small matters. His main disadvantage is that as long as he finds out that you have any work mistakes, he will immediately make a small report to the boss. In fact, many employees of the company do not tell the truth because the boss has not taken action. How can you help him? There are employees who don't like him, and there are employees who like to flatter him just to have a good life. They both think Toad is now capable of keeping their position in the company so they can do whatever they want. Mr. Toad enjoys the aura of being flattered and praised very much.

The heroine, Miss Ant, is a foreigner. Her native language is English and she is a typical working mother. Miss Ant works very hard, but the main obstacle she faces in her work is her language and communication skills. Because there is only one foreign employee in the company, the others are all Chinese and their English skills are worse than hers. Many times, she and her goldfish leader are not communicating. When I was on the sidelines, I sometimes heard that I was very tired. I often thought that I could not understand the English of the leader of the goldfish, and it was even more difficult for Miss Ant to understand. Leader Goldfish and Mr. Toad are from the same country. The English level of the leader of the goldfish is super low, but the main reason is that she cannot accept the correction of others. Neither of them likes people who can work better than them and their main concern is that their status is threatened.

From my perspective, Mr. Toad is a little racist. He is often very strict and critical of Miss Ant's work performance. Miss Ant has a relatively docile personality, and she will endure it again and again for the sake of food and clothing. In fact, she also tried to react to the boss, but our boss never took action. Maybe the bosses like Mr. Toad, a man-like employee. I didn't know what was going on yesterday, Mr. Toad yelled at Miss Ant in the production department.

It is not a good thing to habitually suppress emotions all the time. It is detrimental to our physical and mental health. The pressure cooker that Miss Ant endured and endured finally exploded. Yesterday she made her first counterattack for herself. When Mr. Toad walked back to the office, I watched Miss Ant walk slowly to his seat, and asked Mr. Toad directly: What's your dissatisfaction with me? Why do you deliberately target me every time there is something wrong? What is your intention? Why are you sneering at me every time? Mr. Toad's reaction at that time was very stunned, and he kept saying to Miss Ant in annoyance: Enough! I've said enough! Don't say it anymore!

Colleagues in the office were almost dumbfounded, and Miss Flour (why is it called Flour? Because she wears heavy makeup and powder every day) who was sitting at the table next to me reacted to Mr. Toad and said: How could Miss Ant be so brave! How could she fight back, she must be brainwashed and instigated by others! At this time, I couldn't help but wonder if it would be taken for granted if I was bullied without even saying a word. And you won't get the same from other people when you can't help but break out one day. And my heart is cheering, shouting for Miss Ant: You are finally brave for yourself!

After the incident, Miss Ant told me that Mr. Toad would not allow her to make any mistakes in her work after giving her an order. As the leader of Goldfish, she did not seek justice for Miss Ant, but she also accused Miss Ant of being rude to Mr. Toad? My eyes are rolling into outer space. Miss Ant responded to Mr. Toad: I am human, and no one is perfect. As long as everyone has the opportunity to make mistakes. But Mr. Toad's response to Miss Ant is: I am so perfect, I will never make any mistakes in my work. I suddenly wondered if Mr. Toad had narcissistic personality disorder. After the incident, all the colleagues in the office asked questions, what kind of leopard gall did Miss Ant eat? Dare to speak loudly to Mr. Toad. And when everyone saw the truth in front of them, only Miss Ant was rude to Mr. Toad, and they didn't see the picture of Miss Ant being angrily bombarded by Mr. Toad behind her back.

What I learned from this incident is that people only want to believe what they see and have a serious lack of empathy for victims. She also won't change her position to think about how much grievance and helplessness she has experienced behind such an outbreak of the other party today. This story reminds me of a family tragedy in my country last week. 19-year-old son beat father to death. The reason is that his father has been abusing his mother for a long time. On the day of the incident, the son saw with his own eyes that his father was beating his mother again. In a fit of rage, the son resisted. As a result, the son was kicked into a corner by his father and injured his head. In a fit of rage, he picked up a stick and kept beating his father. His father died on the way to the hospital. To me he was right, he was in self-preservation to protect himself and his mother's safety. But he still committed murder in law, and he also needs to take legal responsibility for his actions.

The moral concept is that it is unfilial for a child to beat his father, and it is even more violent for a child to kill his father. In the workplace, it is rude for subordinates to fight back against their bosses. Are we really sure that's the case? My thinking is that there is nothing wrong with knowing how to protect yourself, and there is nothing wrong with rehabilitating yourself. Why do some people choose to use drastic means to rehabilitate themselves? Maybe it was because he was tired from defending himself many times, but his voice was not heard or taken seriously. Relevant units and responsible persons also did not take any action. Problems, emotions, and stress build up over time and don't just explode in a day or two. The sad fact is that there are too many unfair rules and justice is artificial, not necessarily fair and just. In the company, the boss has the final say, and in the court, the judge has the final say. When there is no one to stand up for you and no one to pack up the injustice for you, we can only protect ourselves. This is compelled and forced by the environment.

Judging from the incident in the company yesterday, I am more convinced that many things happen, and the victims are more like sinners than the perpetrators. Everyone always remembers that Miss Ant was rude to Mr. Toad. On the other hand, I am more certain that learning "Speak Well" is a compulsory course for everyone. The content accounts for 70%, and the emotional tone is 30% , but once we speak with a vicious mood and tone, it is more deeply imprinted on the other person's mind than the content to be brought out. No one needs to put up with our domineering personalities for granted, and our bad emotions are the same with family, friends, and even colleagues. If everyone can compare their hearts, think in a different position, and have empathy, wouldn’t it be possible to reduce a lot of unnecessary friction and make the atmosphere more harmonious?

I hope the truth will come out one day and justice will be given to the victims. But I don't know when this wish will come true. And when will people be able to see the truth of the truth rather than tell a story by looking at pictures. Maybe this is my extravagant wish.