Snail Diary (11)

2020/12/3

Today I was "referred to" by a colleague and told me that I should have said in the WeChat group last night: I'm sorry, it's my fault. Instead of being silent, let another colleague "take the blame".

But I don't think it's my fault. Another colleague may also be considered innocent... I feel that I will immediately feel that it is my fault if I write again.

Maybe from the beginning to the end, only I thought it was a trivial matter, and the boss responded that much. At the same time, @Me and another colleague lost their temper. When I didn't react, the other colleague naturally became the so-called "back to the blame".

To be honest, I think it's obvious that the boss is overreacting. If I realize that it is my problem, I will immediately admit my mistake. For example, when I wrote the wrong agenda time last time, I will immediately admit my mistake and ask everyone to revise it, because I really know that it is my mistake.

But in the situation yesterday, I didn't feel that I was wrong at all, and of course I couldn't react and I needed to admit my mistake, and I still don't feel that I was wrong.

It's not that as a junior, I can't take the initiative to admit my mistakes and let everyone go down the stairs. I'm not that spiritual in interpersonal relationships. Originally, I was still hesitating whether this matter was my problem after all. After thinking about it for a day, I didn’t know how to deal with it, and I didn’t know how to deal with my colleagues. Would it be more embarrassing, and I ended up being caught by another colleague.” Reminder", I... want to swear.

Grievance.jpg

Originally, I was still holding an interview manuscript in my hand and was going to find a way to write it on the plane. Now I can't calm down and don't know what to do. If I want to escape to a quiet place where no one is around, I feel like I can't adapt to this society at all.

I have to confess today. The recent diaries are all about confessing my weaknesses. Next time I will confess why I dare not show the happy and sunny side to others recently.

If there is anything unhappy, write it, and turn it over when you write it. You can't consume too much energy, energy is precious. I always spend time and effort on things that I don’t love so much, or are willing to pay for.

I don't know if this is one of my life tasks, but I will learn to face it. This time I may not be proficient enough, and maybe next time I will be very unfamiliar, but I will go back and face it because I don't want to be with the same Going round and round in a circle, want to go to a different situation, maybe there will be some simple things there, or maybe there will be more comfortable, will it be a state of liberation?

But... I still want to say something, it's so hard. I’m still very useless and want to cry... I admit defeat, I admit my cowardice, and I admit my mistakes, can’t I do it? Can Father Universe spare me?

I decided to do my own thing and talk less when I work in the company. Reduce my sense of existence, as long as I am not cued by the boss, I can completely reduce my sense of existence, almost become a little transparent.

Stop CUE me every day!

If possible, I would like to switch my empathy channel freely.

A little homesick.

But I also feel that there is no home, and there is no food for me in the countryside. In the city, every city is similar. I am a foreigner.

This is a candid note.

I'm lazy, fat, short and ugly, resentful about life, but don't have that much energy to change.

I am very cowardly and lowly, unwilling to take on too much responsibility, selfish, always thinking of 5 million falling from the sky.

While cowardly, I wanted to quietly protect myself.

The character is not suitable for being too flamboyant.

For some things, I decided that I can not be so active in the future. In fact, there seem to be few things worth taking initiative in life. Sometimes choosing to be passive, it seems to be very ok.

After reading the book for a while, the book said that when facing criticism, the real problem to be solved is not to defend, but to find a way to make oneself stronger.

The fact that you actually need to justify in the face of criticism will reveal another fact from another perspective: you are just not strong enough.

People basically make progress by secretly changing themselves.

At this stage, it is difficult to evaluate Li Xiaolai, but his book really inspired me a lot, and it was also his book that gave me the footsteps of Beidrift. I have never regretted Beipiao, and staying in Chengdu may be depressing and unhappy.

Excerpt from a paragraph: Keeping promises, the most basic, should start with keeping promises to yourself. Don't make promises to yourself lightly, and think carefully about whether this desire is realistic enough, whether you can have enough time and energy, detailed plans and action steps, and possible alternatives to achieve this desire.

This is a habit and an ability that can be gradually learned and polished.