263 | Why do they profit? Confessions of Two Chinese Youths
Author: Lin Tingwei (a news catcher who writes slowly, eats fast, and catches the ball every day. I believe that no matter in the best or worst times, journalism always bears the responsibility of witnessing the scene and recording history.) Original release time: 2023/2/6
"I was so lucky to escape such a fate, but I can't do anything for those who have the same fate as me." ──Xiao Tong, post-90s, student. Coordinates: Canada.
I am currently studying in Canada. I came here at the end of August last year. I have been here for about half a year. Before that, I have been staying in mainland China. My life is relatively monotonous now, and I mainly study every day without much entertainment. After I came here, everything about school and life went much smoother than I imagined, and I didn't feel a particularly strong culture shock.
I still remember that I saw a post on the Internet some time ago, saying that girls must learn to be a shrew in life, so that they can deal with many things, fight for their own rights and so on. At that time, I thought, should I click in and learn? Just about to click in, it suddenly occurred to me that I don't need to learn these skills anymore.
In the past, no matter it was a small matter, such as buying something online, returning a product, or applying for a passport, visa, etc., you always had to be prepared to quarrel with others. Living here, I don’t need to raise my voice or talk about it. Basically, what you want to achieve can be achieved naturally.
In fact, I didn’t think of settling and immigrating abroad until the so-called Run School came out.
I was born in Hubei, went to university in Beijing, and worked in Shanghai. When I was working in Shanghai, I knew very clearly that I would not stay here for the rest of my life, and that I would leave this place one day. At that time, I worked in an environment full of so-called office politics, intrigues and cliques. It was really difficult to concentrate on work. I would go to the company's bathroom and sit on the toilet and cry because my work was not going well. I have already suppressed this situation.
At that time, I really wanted to resign, but I was very entangled in my heart and kept procrastinating. Later, my mother said, no matter what you want to do in the future, you should resign first, and stay away from this toxic environment as soon as possible. So I was able to make up my mind to come out. About 80% of the credit is my mother who has been encouraging and urging me to go abroad to study.
My parents are not very traditional Chinese, they are not in the system, and they have their own views on the government, so my ideas were not particularly mainstream when I was young. But it was just a vague concept before, knowing that the government had problems of one kind or another; after university, the consciousness of democracy was enlightened rapidly, and it was only then that I began to know clearly that I might not be able to live the life I wanted in this place.
I went to university in 2013, and I started to surf the Internet frequently after I went to university. At that time, the mobile terminal (editor's note: apps for mobile devices such as mobile phones and tablets) was developing the fastest, and information spread faster; in addition, the university was still a relatively relaxed environment, so I came into contact with many things, For example, our political teacher showed a documentary about June 4th in class.
I remember that class, the teacher played the documentary half an hour before class ended, and everyone watched silently. At that time, I didn't have a particularly strong feeling, and thought it was just a documentary. But then slowly, you will gradually come into contact with these issues on the Internet, and after reading it a few times, you will gradually understand the whole picture of these things.
I can think of a particularly big impact, it should be when Beijing expelled the low-end population . I happened to be in Beijing at that time, and I felt very resentful when I read the news every day. My democratic consciousness was thoroughly stimulated. I read a lot of articles in "Tuan Media", and I discussed social news with my roommate every day, including feminism-related issues. news.
I used to have many reasons in my heart. why? Why are they doing this? Why do things they do are always different from what I think? Now I don’t ask so many why, because everything is very consistent with the logic of what they (the CCP) have always done.
Chizuko Ueno has a book "Beginning at the Limit", I don't know if you have read it? There is a running theme in it is "what to do if a man can't do it". I think the current environment in China is also like this. You know that "the government can't do it", it's completely powerless, and it's impossible to change it...Maybe there will be some changes in the long run, but I'm pessimistic...so all the decisions I make are based on "China can't do it, the Chinese government can't do it".
If I can't see the social environment change in my lifetime, the only one I can change is myself—or I will completely integrate into the mainstream Chinese society, or I will run away.
The afternoon I saw the Guizhou bus incident, I was crying at home. I think what happened to the Jews back then happened frequently in China. For example, when Xinjiang people were treated unfairly, all of us did not come out to defend Xinjiang people; after that, Mongolians were not allowed to go to school, they could not learn their own characters, and not many people spoke out; later, it gradually evolved to the point where the whole country endured it. At that time, Xinjiang people endured the fate.
How to put it... It feels as if we, our country, our government, and our era are the cause and effect of each other. It is that kind of regime that shapes this kind of people, and this kind of people further strengthens this kind of government. I was thinking at the time that I was so lucky to have escaped such a fate, but there was nothing I could do for those who would have had the same fate as me.
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This article is not finished. For the full text, see " Why Are They Run?" Confessions of Two Chinese Youths "
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263. Why do they profit? Confessions of Two Chinese Youths
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