【Creation】【Prose】Try essay

I also don't understand how I can do this, I don't feel comfortable, I don't want to let others down. A lot of times, it's laziness, it's tired, and I don't understand how my emotions can swing back and forth so fast. I like heavy rhythms and fresh styles. If it's R&B, maybe I often listen to soul music. At first I dissected myself, and it seemed to work, but I can't guarantee the current situation.

In fact, I am not particularly fearful or uneasy now, but I am still lazy. My dad bought me fish oil, I don't think it works for my depression, weakness, but I'm very happy that someone cares about me...I don't want to live up to that. On the one hand, I always felt that it was okay, many people have low ebbs, but I was still terrified that I would not be able to accept the outcome, and then maybe I would run away and it would be worse. At such a moment, am I living a waste of life? I don't understand me. I'm not that kind of person, at least I don't think it's the real me, I'm just out of my mind, I'm just out of my mind. I hope I'm getting better, I hope I'm at least getting my pace back.

My dear, life is not easy, many things will not change, will not be changed by perception; you depend on the facts, and will not change because of other people or your own impressions. After this time, when you grow up, you also have a lot of things to deal with, including your fear of losing and comparison, you have to overcome, you have to bear. Can I tell myself, can I be radiant again, what I want is very simple, I don't want you to be good, I just want you to live well. Don't run away from the predicament, don't feed the words of others, your own demons. You're going to be well, you're going to be well, keep writing, write it all out...  

It's so unfair, I've endured it for so long. From the beginning, I was very motivated, to the point of being lost, and then to find myself, to the point of being lost. Isn't it a long time ago? Why can't I beat it, why is the epidemic prevention holiday so painful, my efforts can't be in vain... I'm pretty useless now, but I really plan carefully, I really try to accomplish, I really Want to recover, but why why is there no sense of accomplishment? I don't have stress tolerance, but is the world just fine with me? In my head there is something that is not awakened and I can't find it! I've been looking for it, I really really miss it, I hope it comes back, I hope I never get tired. Does it matter what other people think of me? Did they give me encouragement? Are they sincere or dispensable? I really want to be happy... God, why don't you make me happy? I'm new to some areas, but I thought I'd lived so long that I thought it was time for me to recognize myself. ….

If I can't find it, I'll keep writing, and tonight, I'm just going to find it again, I can't take it anymore.

This is my life, maybe you don't care, but it used to be fragile, beautiful, gray, colorful, I am living, I don't care if you see it or not, I don't know if I really am, this It is my blood, this is my flesh. I still want to take me for a long time, it's worth it, this is the devil, this is kindness, this is a child who loves detours, what does it matter? I want me to get better, I don't care in what way, please make me feel the value of life. I used to think that the good moments of being alive were all gone, so many moments in the future will be, I will live such a fluke, not what I really want, I have to move forward! What is lacking in my brain, I once had something very precious in my brain, and what I lived for, how could it disappear, how could I have no idea, I could argue, I could continue to breathe and eat, But I can't move on... It must be missing it, I know it, I recognize it, I have to find it.

I haven't given up, just tonight, I'm going to keep looking, I've got to find it.