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In May 2019, we were in Tokyo, crossing the historical divide between Heisei and Reiwa. On the day I was about to leave, my throat was sore to death, and a glass of boiling water brought the tearing feeling of being filled with strong acid. The throat was itchy and hot, but it was surprisingly fluid, and the saliva was several times more than usual. I can't spit it out all the time, so I found that I don't need to swallow it hard. It turns out that the saliva can be stored (I can't think of a more appropriate verb) under the tongue and between the jaw, and then slowly press down with the tongue to saliva. It will run behind the wisdom teeth on both sides and naturally slide down the throat. When you see this, you may take notes and remind yourself not to be like me, and to say complicated and exaggerated trivial things. Forgive me, I haven't had the chance to actually measure it until now. Even if I didn't swallow, it would still be painful to slide down from both sides, and I have to be careful not to swallow it habitually and unintentionally, making myself like a hanging beam. The thorns are so laborious and unspeakably tired.

I ca n't swallow this breath , it's not an exaggeration to describe it like this,

If you know how I feel . (Kim Kardashian, 2012)

I can't eat for a whole day, and I can't die. My work has already made me adapt to the irregularities in life, but since it is a rare trip that doesn't require work, I have to make every effort to make him eat every meal. I ate dinner at Volkswagen Bustro in Nakameguro, ordered a few cold dishes, fought with my throat, and hoped that the beer could play the role of "Gui Lao Herbal Tea". After taking a few thin bites of the ham, I noticed tears dripping between the lower edge of my glasses and the skin of my face . ah? Obviously he didn't eat spicy food, and he didn't think he would take the opportunity to get rid of me if he could eat super spicy food.

Since the unsatisfactory work, my close friends have all said that I have lost the brilliance of the past, and even fewer close friends. It is an external change. On the inside, I don't know what other people think, and I have to admit that the ups and downs of emotions are much more volatile than before. Whether the work directly leads to various internal and external changes, or is just the last straw, I need to accept that there is a certain connection between the two. In fact, in 2019, there are still homestays in the Maldives to open up wasteland, and it should not be too bad to think about things.

Today, three years later, I still regard the tears that day as unprovoked, and I have not searched for the answer. After that, such unpredictable and unprovoked things happened occasionally.

From Heisei to Reiwa, the external atmosphere has not changed much. I also hope to find my peace as soon as possible.