"Apa, I like men." Uyghur LGBTQ

"Apa, I like men."

In my eyes, Apa is an appellation. This appellation in Uyghur is generally said to be an endorsement for mother. The problem is that I went abroad when I was very young, and there are not many women who can be called Apa by my side. So I can only find it myself, if there is a woman about the same age as my mother who happens to be my acquaintance, I will call her the so-called "guli Apa", and I try to make Apa a neutral word.

At that time, I was in a refugee camp, and there were no more than a lot of Uyghurs. We prayed together, fasted together, and ate together during the Holy Month, until one day, an aunt Apa picked up my uneaten bones and said to me, You have to eat these clean, then take the shredded meat off and put it in my mouth.

I cried at the time, because I thanked this Apa for the self-esteem, education, ability, and hope that this Apa gave me, and let me know that when I get refugee residence, I can also let my mother go abroad , I was living with this kind of thinking at that time.

I am very grateful to the Dutch society. At that time, I did get my own identity very easily. When I was in the refugee help center, I deliberately spread my letters to others. It was not until an African aunt congratulated me that I got the excitement and excitement at that time. ability. I dared to say to the Dutch government, I want my mother to go abroad, I want my own Apa to go abroad, I miss her.

But the question is how many refugee children, like me, have the right to call others Apa, just like I have to wait exactly the same time, most people still have to wait a long time to invite their family out in the Netherlands.

But I did it, when my Apa came out, I saw her following others looking for the exit of the airport, and I was standing behind her, and I shouted, APA!

How did you become so short, how did you become so thin, how did you lose so little hair?

After that, my Apa lived in the Netherlands for a long time, because of my sexuality, I didn't have contact with my Apa for a long time, and I didn't even see her before she returned to that dark society.

I know that my Apa was handcuffed immediately after returning home, her race, my birth, became an original sin.

Until now, I can't contact her, I don't know how to contact her, I don't know how I can contact her without hurting her, this is my life, this is my life.

Even if I get slapped by my Apa now, I still want to see her and I still want to chat with her.

My Apa, always my Apa.

Apa.