2022 Shanghai My Day

I haven't figured out what type of articles I should write on matter.

From March 12 to today, a full month has passed. I think I should record Shanghai in 2022. Even in the gloom of the Russian-Ukrainian war, under the contrast of the brutal Butcha massacre, Shanghai still appears to be in chaos. Why do I have to follow the inertia every day and fight against the deletion of posts in the wall? Like Don Quixote fighting against windmills, and like the whole China fighting against Sister Ao. Every day in the future, I will record all the information related to the Shanghai epidemic and the daily life of "staying at home". Document how a country swims against the current, how it falls into madness.

March

I remember very well that after we separated from JJ the week of March 6, we were in the throes of filing for the fund. The logic of the system is always consistent. Don’t make trouble for the system, but the system doesn’t mind making trouble for you. A Word document that had to have macros, a Word document that had to be opened in Windows; that kept us busy for half a week. On the 12th, JJ came home and found that the desktop computer at home could be turned on. We happily modified and saved it. Who knows that the end of this matter is the beginning of a whole month of confinement. Destiny always shows the stubborn entanglement of two unrelated things in memory at the moment of turning back.

In fact, since the beginning of March, the atmosphere of epidemic prevention has gradually become tense. Although the newly added numbers "released in Shanghai" every day seem to be controllable, the rumors have quietly increased. In opaque information, people exchange information that they are not very sure of each other, but they can't piece together a more realistic picture. However, the effect of epidemic prevention in the past three years and the 48-hour observation of the epidemic prevention and control from time to time seems very timely. All this is like a guerrilla war.

After I went to the school to make an interim report on the 8th, I received a notice of school closure management the next day. After spending the most productive day in March at Yangpu Library on the 10th, I received a notice that the library would be closed indefinitely in the evening. At this time, the tension of the epidemic began to increase. On the 11th, I received a notification from all the people in the education system to do a nucleic acid test and went to the Yueyang Hospital, which B said was very fast. As a result, it was already overcrowded, and the queue was full for two hours. What I didn't expect was that this was the beginning of my March nucleic acid giveaway.

On the 14th, the community began to organize nucleic acids, and soon two consecutive tests were conducted on the 19th and 20th; people were not allowed to leave the community during the test. The continuous rain in the past two days made me miss this short free time, and soon I was trapped at home on the 21st. Even though the building I was in was closed on the 21st, I didn't know the specific situation. There was only news from various WeChat neighbor groups, that is, our building had a confirmed diagnosis, so a building was defined as a second Close contact requires 7 days of home observation. Until the lockdown was lifted on the 28th, I experienced a calm-irritable-depressed-calm mood cycle at home for seven days. Started watching Huntington's American Politics and stopped all academic work altogether. Soon, I lost my sense of time coordinates.

The desire for freedom in these seven days made me go out for a walk almost every day from the 28th to the 31st, and the basic unit was 2 hours. It turned out to be all too wise, because soon, April came unrecognizable and became a veritable prison month.

April

When I thought it was bad enough that I lost my sense of time with time at the end of March, it was only in April to find out that time would be so chaotic. After staying at home for a day on April 1st as required, I crept downstairs to check on the 2nd. There was not even a guard downstairs, but none of the residents went out. Coercion and docility, I don't know which one is worse. The moment I stood at the open door, I realized a strong moral imperative, out of my own dignity, that I had to get out.

However, when I stood outside the door in the neighborhood garden where no one was around, a strong "horror" gripped me tightly. That is not the fear of violating the rules of authoritarianism, because my reason has long told me that even if I am discovered, it will be nothing more than being abused and driven away, and there will be no real punishment; Under the threat of , all of them meekly abide by the "fear" of the regulations that completely restrict their freedom of movement. It is an indescribable psychological feeling. It is broad daylight, a bright sky, a solitude under the warm sunshine and green shade. It is an absolute feeling of "loneliness", accompanied by the rational knowing that there are countless people here. Later I realized that at that moment I faced the "unsocial sociability" of human nature, the human "propensity to enter into society, bound together with a mutual opposition which constantly threatens to break up society".

I think this is a very vivid political metaphor: 1. The building is closed, and the gate of the building is guarded 24 hours a day; 2. The city is closed, and there is no one outside, but the gate of the building is wide open; In this world, there is no one but you.

In the following days, I would go out every day, in the morning and evening, slipping out with the ups and downs of the community management curve. When I meet a neighbor who walks silently without saying a word, my heart fills with joy. Looking at the pedestrians who are not bothering each other in the night, I also understand for the first time "the road is the eye". In the morning, I also encountered two evictions, one was a member of the neighborhood committee who took out his mobile phone and started filming me; the other was a security guard wearing a protective suit who rushed over on an electric bike. I don't say a word, what can I say to them who are working so hard with the grassroots?

On the 4th, the nucleic acid was again released, and it was also placed at 6 o'clock in the morning for the first time. This government is like a mental patient in a lunatic asylum. It seems to always think about where to do it, and its words are as uncountable as farts. Everyone knows and has witnessed with their own eyes that it is impossible to unblock on the 5th and it is true that it has not been unblocked. Words in Chinese politics, one type is corrupted by ideology and bureaucratic power, and turned into a set of slang, another type of eight-legged, which becomes their means of screening "own people" and setting "thresholds"; the other type is destroyed by their own hands, It turned into an endless stream of ambiguity and lies, laying the groundwork for the loss of political trust.

Although everything was heading for a helpless prison, I saw hope in the panic-stricken Shanghai. Compared with the loneliness and indifference of most people in 14 and 19 years, this time I have seen more information that has impacted people rather than choices. I also understand that changes in people are not brought about by the abundance of information, but by the impact of information. For me, there are three things that are gratifying. First of all, the national capacity is really not that good, and force has brought chaos instead of order; secondly, after three years of fighting the epidemic, everything is the same as before, and those who are complacent should see the truth; finally, under the movement, there is no new type, and The dominant ideology, after all, the health of the people is far worse than that of Marxism-Leninism, which transforms society.

Ever since I deeply realized that Kant said that progress is the general direction that reason seeks for history, I always think that the standard of human beings has been raised in the moment of modern barbarism; I would also think about these barbaric acts, it is human nature. All in all, if the times change, it is natural; how the times change for the better is the joint effort of all of us rationally. Don't fall into moralism too much, and you don't have to be cynic because of it. The profound meaning of politics lies in balance and prudence. In the past few years, I have seen so many changes, joys and sorrows, but it is not easy to be powerless and despair. It looks like a failure, but it's not necessarily a failure; it looks like a setback, but it's not a setback. The so-called era of judging the situation is often the fate of the tiny individual. If you see that it loses at the moment, it is not necessarily a loss; if you see that he is dressed in fine clothes and rides a horse and cooks oil with fire, it is not a win.

The 6th was the day when the lung nodules were originally detected by CT, and the re-examination was made according to the appointment in February. I applied to the neighborhood committee the day before, and although they wanted me to delay in every possible way, I was determined. First, I wanted to go out to relax, and second, I couldn’t let go of such an opportunity to observe the operation of the medical system. In the evening, I was informed that I could not make the trip, and after half an hour, it was said that the street was approved.

The specific process is that if there is a private car, you can apply for a pass to go out. If there is no private car, the neighborhood committee needs to coordinate the private car of the volunteers to pick up and drop off. When I was waiting, I was surrounded by a middle-aged aunt who was going to undergo chemotherapy; when I arrived at the hospital, because the nucleic acid at 7:00 on the morning of the 4th exceeded 48 hours, I could not be admitted to the hospital anyway. I wonder if the neighbor who went to Zhongshan Hospital for chemotherapy was successfully admitted to the hospital? I don't know how many people have no way to go in a critical moment because of these mandatory nucleic acid time? The messages that followed, as expected, were like accurate forecasts of tragedies, and they inevitably appeared one by one. And these tragedies have no place in the news media.

After I came back, I communicated with the neighborhood committee that I had to be sent to the hospital again before the nucleic acid expired within 48 hours on the 6th. Resident committees are really hard work. In order to enter the system and to ensure security, countless Chinese people are willing to spend their lives and talents in the work of these "officers", acting as airbags and sandwiches.

On the 8th, I finally got into the pulmonary hospital as I wished. On the fourth floor of the outpatient clinic, there were a lot of people who came to see the doctor, more than expected, and nearly 90% less than the usual flow of people. I was the only one who did the CT. After the registration, the nurse who billed me suggested that I go to thoracic surgery. The thoracic surgery department was deserted and no one cared about it. I only sat for a few minutes before going in and seeing the doctor.

He glanced at me and asked, what are you doing? Have you been vaccinated? After I simply answered two sentences, he began to output. Review how your community let you out? Are you wasting medical resources? You will be fine for at least half a year of observation! I can't do this and I can't do surgery now! It was a series of interrogations and accusations that stunned me. I didn't regain my senses until I got home. Why is my normal medical treatment being said to be a waste of medical resources? In order to fight the epidemic, closing most departments in most hospitals and keeping doctors at home is a waste of medical resources.

When I came back, I discussed it with the volunteer who picked me up, and he readily agreed to let me down one kilometer from the community. I was walking on the deserted streets, watching the passing cars and the few deliverymen, watching the fallen leaves on the road, and just like that, the whole city was forced to suspend. The last time I saw such a scene was in Wan Chai during Occupy Central in 2014. The two cities that connect my life have been dragged into the abyss of bad luck one after another, just as my personal destiny is also controlled by this lamentable and powerless country.

In the afternoon, I listened to Sun Xiwen's live broadcast at home. I have always liked to chat with various medical experts in the department. They share some similar characteristics, the most important being "authority". This kind of authority is endowed by years of practice and is "democratically chosen". Clinicians do not simply rely on papers, institutional rewards and relationships to obtain prestige. They face the questions and tests of patients more directly than politicians in a democratic system. , while also gaining their trust and entrustment. These people usually maintain a calm and confident temperament, and are very good at communicating with non-absolute assertions. What he said in the live broadcast is that for doctors, for the needs of scientific research, doctors must refine disease phenomena and problems in order to study, which makes them complicated; for patients, they just need to Simplify complex illnesses and understand your illnesses as simple and actionable treatment steps and rehabilitation advice. Not only that, but he also advises patients to see the disease as an opportunity for new life, and use this as a signal to correct bad habits in their lives.

I think this corresponds to the thinking and life of a person.

On the 10th reading club, I updated my current situation with my friends I haven't seen for a long time, and indulged in the great stories weaved by Dostoevsky, and finally had a moment of relief and joy. The richness of the spiritual world is actually difficult to separate from the heavy body. When the body is no longer free, we need more powerful strength and will to achieve spiritual freedom. When I watched Hobbes, I disapproved of his argument that "thinking is always free"; until I met Arendt, she clearly expressed that a person's actions are no longer free, and thoughts are often more difficult to free. Our supplies have always been sufficient, and there has never been a particular shortage of eggs, milk and meat for various group purchases. However, there are also friends in the reading club who have just signed a contract for a house and are short of food and clothing.

On the 11th and 12th, there was chaos in all kinds of news. A building in the community seems to have clustered infections due to the delayed transfer of positives. Their wailing can only be heard through sparse voices. No one was delivering their supplies or telling them when they could get treatment. People are self-limiting in fear of Omikron, and I'm tired of living in such a closed life and just want to get out of this endless cycle of nightmare life. I seem to have started to use "detecting nucleic acid" to mark the special day of the day, and life has become a day of antigen detection and a day of nucleic acid detection. Social networking is the constantly beating group buying group and Shanghai friend group on WeChat. Thousands of messages flood into my eyes every day, but I can only deal with it simply with emotions.

On the 11th, it was circulated on the Internet that Li Qiang, secretary of the Shanghai Municipal Party Committee, went to Xujiahui for an inspection. After going to the original community and cooperating with the residents of the original community to send and receive express delivery, he proposed to go to the opposite community to see. Unplanned trips always bring unplanned gains to Communist Party cadres. Comrade Li received greetings from the old lady in wheelchair and the old lady with dog. The original words of the dog-led old lady were circulating on Weibo: The martyrs handed over the country to you, but it was like this. I am heartbroken. You are guilty of the country, ashamed of the martyrs, and ashamed of the world. It is the same set of words and the same set of thinking that the Chinese people have always used to criticize the bureaucracy. In the circulating WeChat screenshot, someone mentioned that Li Qiang asked the person next to him: What is a regiment leader?

What kind of privileged life do leaders above the provincial and ministerial level lead? They don't need to grab food, group buying, buses and markets in their lives; everything they encounter is polite, polite, and kind. If there is any unbreakable stratosphere in the world, it should be the Zhao family.

On the 12th, it was mainly news about Dragon TV's anti-epidemic party. Positive energy, positive energy, positive energy! These explosive positive energies, these formalisms, hymns, great glory and correctness, are directly breathless. What every inhabitant of a post-communist country can deeply appreciate is such an airtight web that forces you to be moved, applauded, cheered, and happy. Kitsch, the ultimate kitsch. They not only ask you to endure, but also ask you to find redemption from the suffering they bring to you, understand suffering, and even sing praises of suffering. It is best to believe that suffering is your own destiny.