191 | Yuan Mowen: Parenting is not 100% sweet, but if I choose again, I still have to give birth

 Text/Wang Yingzhi (Master of Arts, Department of International Communication, National Chengchi University. Internet media workers, I believe everyone has their own pursuits.)
(Original post published on August 6, 2022)

Yuan Mowen, 35 years old, freelancer/translator, father of 3 and a half years and 1 daughter, a Muslim from Beijing. Currently living in Taoyuan.

I am a native of Beijing. I originally wanted my child to stay in Taiwan before the age of 1, and then go back to Beijing to live for a while when the child is more than 1 year old, because my parents really want to bring their granddaughter, and I have not lived in Beijing for many years. .

But when the child was 1 year old, the epidemic began. My previous plan to return to Beijing was completely different from my current life in Taiwan. For example, public kindergartens have to move their household registration and line up first. Because we didn’t plan to live for a long time, we were completely unprepared. In addition, my work style is relatively different, so I simply brought my own. The child has never been sent to nursery or nanny, and goes to school and socialization relatively late.

A day as a dad, whether a child goes to school or not is a completely different situation. If there is school, she will not be there from 9:00 to 4:00, but it seems that she was sent away in the morning, why did she come back so quickly? When the child is at home, the day will be very long, and they will want to entertain her with different programs. Because I work at home more time, the child will be affected all the time at home, so I cherish the time when she is not at home.

My wife didn't go back to work after having a baby, and childcare is about half and half. I spend more time with my children on education, storytelling or outdoor activities; but mothers take care of the daily routines such as breastfeeding, feeding, and potty training. She started saying "no" when she was 2 years old, and when she was 3 years old, her physical ability improved to a higher level; I would tell you to help me get this and that, such as peeling carrots, and taking her to the aquarium, In the park, "discharge" is very important, otherwise it will be really tiring to play with children.

I don't believe anyone would think that parenting is 100% sweet and it would be a lie to say it's not painful. But in the midst of trials and difficulties, you will get a lot of family happiness. The happiness without children is different from the happiness with children. I talked to my wife, would I still have another child if I choose again? My choice is to. The wife said that the child would be handed over to the parents or sent to the nursery earlier. This interview may bring down the fertility rate. (laugh)

Muslim family living in Taiwan

Our family is Muslim. Islam says that there are three things that follow you after you die. One of them is the prayers your children give you. Muslims may feel that taking care of or raising their children is also an investment in their future. I don't know if this is a utilitarian idea, but it does affect my view of accompanying children.

For Muslims, living in Taiwan should be the most difficult in the world, and challenges are everywhere. The first is the inconvenience of eating. For example, a child will ask, why can others eat the food from the night market, but I can't? Or the school is giving out gummy bears, why can't other kids eat them? Because there's gelatin in there and it's made from pig skin. Of course, the older she gets, the more difficult this will be, but I will teach what I can.

Also, Taiwan is not a Christian country, but in public kindergartens and even in my community, Christmas trees are put up at Christmas, and there are activities in schools. It really doesn’t matter, because Christmas in Taiwan is very commercial, just fun. However, Zhongyuan Purdue has a relatively heavy religious connotation, which is completely unacceptable. Eating pork or worshiping ancestors is completely a red line. However, the wife's family respects us very much. We will not eat the meat of the goodbye, and we will prepare it ourselves when we go back. I love to cook, and when I make it, everyone can eat it.

There are many moments of achievement when being a father. For example, if we knead the dough together to make "饢", she can make beautiful tricks; or the children show some gratifying phenomena in their faith. For example, at the end of our worship, we will say peace to the angels on the left and right (on our shoulders). , she would then say, "Little angel, don't move here."

Sometimes she would also make troubles. For example, when I was at church, I would hear her lift the shutters and say, "Allah, do you know? I'm pulling the curtains." These are all sense of accomplishment, small, to outsiders. It doesn't matter, but both parents have filters.

"Hope her life is safe and free from war"

Rationally, I could have no children at all. If you don’t want children in Taiwan, your elder brother or younger brother may be born, and you won’t feel much guilt; but after all, I grew up in a more traditional Chinese family, and the one-child policy before China will make my generation The guilt of not wanting children increases, so I never thought about not having children.

I think Dad's most important job is to be a good role model, conveying the values of dealing with people, looking at life, or how to face life. My greatest hope for my daughter is that she will live a life that is pleasing to Allah, and that she will pray for us when I die. On a more mundane level, I just want her to be healthy and safe.

Let’s be honest, every generation in history has experienced wars. My parents experienced the Cultural Revolution, which was more terrifying than war. My grandfather and grandfather's generation experienced more wars. I'm even a little sorry for my daughter, who I brought her into a world that's actually very bad and very disturbing. But I hope she doesn't have to go through the test of being separated from flesh and blood like a Syrian child, or even escaping from her own home.

In this way, I may be a very greedy person, and my expectations for her in spirit and in daily life are all very ambitious, but at least I am completely honest. (Finish)

[The original text of this article was published in "Walk the World": Yuan Mowen: Parenting is not 100% sweet, but if I choose again, I still have to give birth ]

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