世界走走｜她的故事與妳同行
190 | Lin Changzuo: After becoming a father, every child is like his own
Text / Zhong Qiaoting (Graduated from the Department of Politics and Society of National Taiwan University, I believe that translation is an INTER-VIEW of the interaction of different perspectives. Seeing the world is ultimately to look back on oneself, No man is an island.) (Original post published on August 6, 2022)
Lin Changzuo, 46 years old, legislator and lead singer of The Shining Band, has a 5-year-old daughter "Lin Milu". Lives in Taipei now.
My daughter was born in the second year (2017) when I was elected as a legislator. The original division of housework between Doris and I was not clearly divided, and it was gradually developed. I remember that when Miru was first born, she was not a good sleeper. In order to allow Doris, who had been pregnant so hard, to take good care of her body, I was the one to put her to sleep and wake her up in the middle of the night to take care of her. For several months, she slept next to me.
At the beginning, there was such a tacit understanding of the division of labor, and later, it was gradually coordinated to form a fair one and a half, but the actual implementation must be a heavier burden on Doris. My work sometimes takes up a whole day, especially when I was running for re-election as a legislator in 2019, almost all of Doris was taking care of the children alone, thanks to her.
Miru is now about to be promoted to a senior class. The current arrangement is that I am in charge of sending her to school, and my mother is in charge of picking her up. They will cover each other if they have any problems. When I'm busy, I don't see her all day long, but recently because of the summer vacation, she sleeps late. Sometimes when I go home and see her still awake, I get a little angry, worried that she will put herself at the age of 5 and a half. I got less than 8 hours of sleep, so I'll remind her.
After becoming a dad, the public's business becomes my own
Before I had children, my life was very simple and straight. I could write any song I wanted, and it was cool. But now it doesn't feel so simple. The 2018 album "Politics" (Lin Changzuo's first album after becoming a father), songs like "Wu Niulan Great Protector" and "Chitose" have become very complicated. There are many parent-child relationship interactions accumulated in it. It's hard to describe with just one emotion.
In the past, I imagined that it was a mission and a dream to work together with everyone to build a beautiful Taiwan. This is a very "public" thing for me. After having Miru and becoming a father, I am now working as a legislator, and suddenly I feel very close.
As long as something can get better, like fostering a better native language environment, or making different industries like sports, music, etc., more robust, it feels very specific -- wow! Children who like to sing and children who like to draw can get more help, and their parents should feel great! If one day Miru likes a girl, then of course I also hope that this society will treat her fairly and give her a chance to pursue love.
When I look at every child now, I feel very different, and there is a strange radiance of fatherly love. When there were no children in the past, I felt that they were the next generation of the country and the pillars of the future; now when I look at every child, I feel like I am watching my own child.
Get along with your daughter and repair the scars left by the previous generation
Before Miru, Doris and I would sometimes quarrel fiercely, but no matter how loud it was, it would eventually be repaired; after Miru was born, if we quarreled, she would come to "persuasion", We can't speak loudly when we are angry, but then you will find that when she encounters unhappy things, she will respond in a more violent way.
Before I had kids, what did I think it mattered? Anyway, Doris can accept me like this. But now it's not a family of just the two of us, and it's not just about whether we can fix it, but how Miru treats everyone else. So the two of us started learning how to communicate because of her.
My father has a strong desire to control. If the family and children are not under his control, he will only use coercion. If he is not obedient, he will resort to violence. It made me a person who didn't like to go home and tell my family what happened to me when I was out there, especially when I had a setback.
In fact, in the past (to my father's domestic violence), I just had a resistance attitude. I wanted to stay away from all this, and I never really understood why my father was like this. But in the past few years, I only encountered domestic violence or parent-child related issues. Emotional ups and downs will be very large, and only begin to face it slowly.
Wouldn't it be miserable if Miru became like me and didn't like to go home and share the mood? In order not to fall into the reincarnation of the previous generation, I finally figured it out slowly: suppressing my emotions or desire for control is only a temporary solution, and the root cause should be imagined a different parent-child relationship. So no matter how busy I am now, I hope to have a lot of time every day to chat and interact with her.
Take her to the running stall and get to know the world together
After having the next generation, I have indeed changed a lot, and I have also discovered my shortcomings. When dealing with children, you are dealing with yourself.
At the moment Miru doesn't fully understand my work, I have tried to let her know that some things are public affairs, there are society and government, although she doesn't quite understand it yet. I also took her to the stall. On the one hand, I wanted her to know what the job looked like, and on the other hand, I also hoped that Mirudo would interact with the outside world and understand what happened in the neighborhood.
Now many folks are also fans of Miru, and there are more people who like her than me. After I started making vlogs, everyone came to watch my videos for Miru (laughs). (Finish)
[The original text of this article was published in "Walk the World": Lin Changzuo: After becoming a father, every child looks like his own child ]
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