lingering guilt

I feel guilty too easily.

If I promised at first and didn’t follow through, I would feel guilty for not being able to follow through or finish, despite physical discomfort or a sudden change that disrupted the plan.

I also feel guilty if I can't live up to the other person's expectations or be what the other person wants me to be. Especially my family members, as long as I see their disappointed expressions, my guilt will become stronger, and it will not go away for a long time.

Maybe it was because he had been ill and had more opportunities to practice cultivation than others. I am particularly touched by the topics of "Only Care About Myself in the Eyes of Others" or "I'd rather be sorry for myself than sorry for others" . In the past few years, I have deliberately practiced not to care about how others see me, and I have also begun to know how to slowly put my insignificant self back into the most important position.

It's just that when the object is changed to a family member, I will unconsciously drive myself to the corner, I just hope that the other party is happy, and it doesn't matter how I am. Sure enough, when you meet someone you care about, the difficulty will become even higher!

After every dispute or conflict broke out, although I knew that these matters had nothing to do with me, and I also understood that the thoughts and behaviors of others could not be easily changed, I was an outsider, but I could deeply feel the wounds and pains of everyone.

I was raging, thinking about how to do better, or what position to intervene in, trying to resolve every crisis. It's just that my skills are not enough, and I still can't turn each other's grievances and anger into understanding and forgiveness. After a long time, my heart is really tired.

By choosing not to intervene, and allowing these potentially avoidable conflicts to recur, I feel guilty again. Maybe it's because you know that you haven't played your role well, that's why you always feel guilty!

This year, I began to learn to let go and stopped forcing myself. I don’t need or need to carry it all on my shoulders. No matter what happens, I treat it as a two-way communication, just a little more intense. No one is right or wrong, it's just that the standpoints are different, and the concepts are so divergent!

Besides, this is their subject, not mine.

After I figured it out, when I faced similar incidents again, I felt less depressed and less guilty, and it was a small improvement!

People will inevitably have many bad habits, and I am no exception. As long as I am aware of the things that can be improved, I can adjust it slowly. The only thing I have to do is guilt.

But when I look back at my past self, I can't help but marvel at the change in myself. It turned out to be more than I imagined. Sure enough, the small progress, the accumulation is quite spectacular!

I think, how to make myself feel comfortable without having to consider the feelings of others should be a topic that I need to practice well in my life!