accept the mediocrity of children

There is a male classmate who learns English together. He is successful and active, and has established a happy family of five in this vast land. After graduating from college, he started a business in Beijing and immigrated to the United States. When I met him for the first time, I felt that this man in his forties was relatively friendly, and his English had a strong Henan accent. He studies English seriously every day, never misses a class, prepares and revises, works extremely hard, and finds time every day for at least two hours to go to his neighbors to practice English. The neighbors on his side are all elderly retired people at home. Man, it seems that he does have time to chat with him.

He returned to China in the past few days and was quarantined in a hotel in Xiamen. He suddenly sent me a message saying that he cannot attend English class today. I know that because of the jet lag, it is impossible for him to go to class with us without sleep and jet lag. I also saw his WeChat video account, and he also made some video uploads. Then, because the isolation might be boring, he also advised me, saying that if you can’t go back to China, then don’t go back. From such a period of contact, I know that he is a warm-hearted person who will answer any questions.

Chatting and chatting, talking about the education of his children made him very anxious. I advised him not to place too much importance on his child's grades, and to accept his mediocrity. So I also talked about my own children. I think not every child is a dragon and a phoenix. As a parent, it is normal to have a peaceful mind, provide good conditions for the child, and spend time and money, but the return is minimal, don’t expect it. He said he asked for nothing in return. I asked, what are you worried about? Is the child playing games? He said yes. I say this generation of kids is really socializing in games. I once asked my post-90s colleagues for advice on playing King of Glory, just because I wanted to understand what attracted children to the game so much. When my son found out that I was also playing this game, he was also surprised, he asked me, Mom, you also play this game. I said I just wanted to get to know you. My son's grades have not been outstanding since he was a child. When he first started the first grade, because of his poor handwriting and procrastination in homework, I even slapped him in the face and his nose bleeds. I regretted it on the spot. Then I started to reflect on myself. What makes me so angry? It is a kind of self-effort, but also hope that the children will work equally hard, that their grades are good, and that the children are equally good, it is the obsession of hating iron and steel that I can't realize and hope that he can realize it. But when the child didn't go to school, when he was instilled in the hospital again and again, his wish that it was enough for him to grow up healthily was thrown into the air. What a terrible thing this is. Parents' desire is too great. Some children who commit suicide by jumping off the building are not because of their studies, but because of the tremendous pressure their parents have brought to them.

What makes us, as parents, have more and more expectations for our children. We are nothing more than ordinary people. Why do you ask your children to be not ordinary people? This is true for domestic parents, and even more so for foreign parents. Children are helplessly passively learning amid endless spurs. On the other hand, when my generation was young, people in rural areas, their parents were busy with work and didn’t care at all. When I was in elementary school, I skipped school and didn’t do my homework. He was also punished by the teacher for copying the station. My parents never scolded or beaten. I am a happy ordinary person. As for my pig teammate, who was born in an urban area, his parents have a bad relationship, but he is particularly concerned about his education. Starting from the theory, he is talking sarcastic words. Even if he tries to do it, what he gets is only derogatory words, which causes him to be unconfident, inferior, and no longer willing to try to do anything, and if he does, he will be denied. The child grows up like this, and the parents let it go, they think raising him is the job done. Extremely irresponsible practice. The vast majority of parents are ordinary and are parents for the first time in this world, but why do some parents do well, while others are just chaotic. Because they don't know how to learn how to be a qualified parent. Live to old age, learn old age, adults with children learn to be parents is a lifelong learning, escape is useless.

Fortunately, with the development of the Internet, there are a lot of videos about family education. Listen more, watch more, reflect more, adjust and re-educate according to the situation of your own children, and educate a person who can be independent and responsible in the future. Instead of using grades as a criterion to judge whether a child is capable.

Finally, may parents accept their own mediocrity and accept their children's mediocrity to make the family a better place.