Formal Diary｜Farther than far

October 9, 2018 "Autumn Without Fruit" - "What is poverty? If your goal is to "live a quality life", focus on farming, gardening, and nurturing bees. Then in your eyes, poverty will become a traditional and healthy way of life. The business model of agriculture should not be the same as that of other industries, but in a culture that uses GDP as the evaluation standard, how should we do it? "

The days here on May 27, 2018 were very fulfilling, but the tiredness of the body gave back the abundance of the heart. I like to go around the beach on the way home from work. Today, I saw the purple, pale pink and blue sky and sea, and of course the full moon still hangs high on my forehead. J said: "You have the good energy , passion and desire. I think you should really just start your plan." 

On the night of May 12, 2018, I started reading Fang Siqi, and I saw myself in it, and I was very sad. I talked to X about the book and he said he hadn't read it yet, but we started talking about sex education. It's a topic I started, deliberately. I don't understand, why are you in such a bad mood at the moment? Should it be because I'm not getting something?

Before boarding the plane on December 23, 2017... I still slept comfortably on the floor just now. I chose the 1st floor. There are many offices, but there was no one in the middle of the night and no passengers, so it was very quiet. I slept for more than two hours. , still very sleepy.

Maybe there are still places in the world that are not eroded by capitalism, there are still secret places that backpackers can't reach... When I say Borderless, I also include Taiwan.

On the seventh night of December 16, 2017, I had my period this morning, and my stomach hurts again. I can't tell that it is because of the medicine, but I fell asleep after taking two painkillers with weak willpower. When I woke up this morning, the weather was exceptionally good, but my body was still quite weak, and I felt pain when I blew the wind. As my sister said, I was afraid of the cold, so I stayed in bed for an afternoon and didn't eat lunch.

I just played with those two cats, one is a pregnant orange female cat, and the other is a little prince with a black body and a white belly, who is comparable to the little princess I met in Laos. "There's been a lot of kittens lately. Why aren't there any dogs on the island?" I asked. He said that because dogs are the same as pigs, they eat everything, so most Muslim residents don't bring dogs and pigs on the island; on the contrary, you can see many cats, chickens, ducks, and cows. The island is so small, but even though it is small, there are many little things happening all the time!

In December 2017, I read a book about "color" yesterday. The first chapter talks about "The Colors of Childhood". I can't remember too many things when I was a child, and there are moments of joy or fear. It's interesting, isn't that what life is like? It used to be Shy Colors with a non-stop drop of white paint (but I especially like these low-tones). The use of complementary colors in Southeast Asia and South Asia is particularly strong, and it can not help but surprise! That's it.

The conclusion is that the constantly changing scenery outside the window is beautiful.

The feeling at the moment is really subtle. Although I am sitting on the familiar cheap red plastic chair, the dog is lying at my feet, and the mottled wall that I have been looking at for two years is in front of me, at this moment, the feeling of homesickness emerges in my heart; A future that is farther and farther is spinning rapidly. If the future can be quantified, then what I mean by "farther than far" is probably a broken line along the "now", and the time is folded in half to the thickness of the end of 2017.

The future is a stack of scattered diary papers.

At the farewell dinner, my friend Y said that the idea of "thinking that you will get rich rewards by going abroad" may be very capitalist, and I agreed on the spot.

Of course, I am clearly aware of what the so-called qualifications for going abroad are.

But to be honest, when I made this decision, I didn’t really expect anything from going to Congress, but I was full of thoughts: If I don’t leave soon, I won’t be able to survive. Although the person who wants to leave is actually the one who carries the negative emotions, if you have tried everything you can and can't change this state, then try to change the environment. Probably holding such an idea.

A while ago, when I participated in the group practice after the lecture held by Nuan Nuan, after listening to my plan, my partner said to me: "When you go to an unfamiliar place, many new problems will arise, and these new problems will Replace the old problems so you can leave them alone for a while; although they will still be there."

Therefore, even though many friends say to me "I think you are really brave", I don't think so at all! I think I am cowardly. In my mind, those who can live in the same state for a long time and work hard to coordinate to achieve balance are the bravest.

This past week, I started my slow emptying plan. When looking at each item, no matter the size or the (former) value of fiat currency, if I no longer need to use it, I will discard, recycle or return it to In the pile of donations; many of them are items that were still precious or reluctant to throw away a year or two ago, but now you can decide to "farewell" to them within three seconds.

A while ago, when I was reading the book "Burning Books: A History of the Passion of Knowledge Who Was Attacked and Survived in Flames ", there was a chapter in it called "Breaching Kafka's Will". The process of journaling. I looked at the stack of diaries in the closet and thought, what do I want my family to do with these private records after my death? Or, should I get rid of them before this happens?

Diary is just one section of me, not all of me.

As I flipped through that journal entry in the fall of 2017, I saw the man who mistook violence for love.

And here I pray for the future, farther than far. Remember to cross over, like a traditional cross-stove.