Formal Diary | Melancholy Subtropical

In the last chapter of "New Treasure Island", "The Melancholy Subtropical", page 328, the writer Huang Chongkai quotes several passages from the great anthropology book "The Melancholy Tropics ", one of which reminds me of someone in my mind. Memories:

"That was probably the first time I understood the meaning of some of the same depressing experiences that happened later in other parts of the world. Travel -- stuffed with magical boxes of all sorts of dreamlike promises -- could no longer offer anything yet. Defiled treasures, overexcited and spreading civilizations, have forever and completely destroyed the silence of the sea. The spice of the tropics, the primitive vitality of human beings, have all been corrupted by the inexplicable civilized cause, it hurts Our eager anticipation has doomed us to only a few scarred memories."

Memories are "developed" on three levels.

The first level is that during my trip in 2017, I stayed at a friend's house for four nights. My friend T was many years older than me, almost twice my age at the time. I would choose to visit him again because I liked that he was there When I was 18 or 19 years old, when I was just out of the stressful high school period, I was given a lot of ideas that were different from my peers in the brief conversation. I respect and trust this friend. So when we met again in 2017, I was confused about my life and thought maybe T could give me some answers, and T did play the role of "awakening the dreamer" and threw me this question: " Why are you still traveling? Are you running away from some of life's problems?"

I forgot how I replied to him at the time, but the question stuck in my head for the rest of the journey, so much so that a few months later, I decided to end my one-year trip early and booked a flight back to Taiwan.

The second level is an extension of the first level. During the long journey of self-isolation, because of this problem with T, as well as the people and things I encountered in the past travels, I have conducted a " meaning of travel ". Self-inquiry: I found that wherever I went, although the land beneath my feet was cut by invisible or visible borders, most people were talking about similar government problems, or the pain they had to face as human beings, and the "tropical" The spice of the world, the original vitality of human beings, have all been corrupted by the cause of civilization of unknown meaning.” Whether it is capitalism or communism, democracy or dictatorship, people still work hard, or live in pain or silence; of course, happiness still exists. Yes, I have witnessed it on the mobile phones of Vietnamese youth - in just a few seconds of low-definition video, the little boy who is swinging, the corner of his mouth outlines an upward arc. Vietnamese friends say that this is happiness.

The third level is the rumination of the first level. A year later, after I read the book "Fang Siqi's Paradise of First Love" by Lin Yihan, the words in the book were a shocking bullet, and I put the words in my head. The "memories" related to friend T were blown to pieces, and the "T that I admire and trust" described in the first level was just one of the pieces.

And the shards cut hands, reflecting sexual violence, verbal violence, and twisted emotional dependence; in just four nights, it stayed in my mind for many years.

Below, please forgive me for appropriating/misusing the words of the anthropologist to describe the remaining feelings of this trip:

"Travel--enchanted chests full of dreamlike promises--can offer no more treasures unsullied; it bruises our ardent expectations, so that we are doomed to obtain only a few battered memories; That was perhaps the first time I understood the implications of some of the same depressing experiences that have since occurred in other parts of the world."

It's something I haven't been able to say publicly yet -- the subtropical melancholy.

Is it contradictory that I am about to start traveling again now?

One of the things that I find funny is that the damage T caused me was indirectly a reason for me to want to escape from the situation.

Why am I still traveling? Am I running away from some of my life's problems?

Yes, I'm just running away from some of my life's problems, and it's no big deal.