【Wrong】Style Writing Exercise｜Juhasi Style

Please note that this is a wrong demonstration!

Friends who want to participate in the "style writing" activity in the future, please pay attention, you can take a closer look at why this article I wrote is not qualified? If the plot of the participating article deviates too much from the original text, it will affect the disqualification of the award!

 Style Exercise｜Original At noon, in a fast food restaurant, a woman, 30 years old, 165 cm tall, with fair skin and freckles on both cheeks, was wearing a light blue floral dress with a red dress around it. Silk scarf, bought a burger set at the restaurant.

She was holding a dinner plate to find a seat. A young man sat on the seat where she was about to sit down. She had a conflict with the young man. Finally, the young man stood up with a bad expression and bumped into her dinner plate as he walked, and the cola fell. down.

The woman pointed at the young man's back, and after scolding for a while, she began to eat. She accidentally got a silk scarf while squeezing the ketchup, and she immediately took a tissue to clean it.

In the afternoon, she was drinking coffee in a coffee shop with a man in a black suit. She had changed into a blue silk scarf. The man said that this dress looks better with a red silk scarf.

I have a devastated face. Let me tell you again, I was fifteen and a half years old. On a ferry across the Mekong. The image continued while crossing the river. I am fifteen and a half years old.
--Juhas, "The Lover"

I heard that people always meet and say goodbye to the lover who beats their youthfulness without realizing it.

Her parents came to France, and she was born in Jiading, a city in French Indochina. Later, this city suitable for love had another name, Ho Chi Minh City.

She was only 15 years old that year. Compared with the girls of the same age who were running along the Mekong River, her skin was slightly paler, but she was abruptly 10 centimeters taller.

The height disproportionate to her age makes people feel that she is not a girl, she is a woman.

"Even though she's still a child, she looks like a prostitute in an American movie. Look at her blue floral dress, which is so short that it can't cover her white thighs, and the red dress she wears Silk scarves, how eye-catching, like delicate roses, it's just not telling all the men in the world to pick them." People were talking behind their backs.

She walked along the path full of gossip.

She thought to herself: No one knows that this girl has bloomed and is dying. They all say that I am beautiful, no, I am not beautiful, but when a girl is destroyed by love, she will become a woman of vicissitudes.

The process of facial aging is shocking, and the story is even more fascinating to read.

She went into a dark inn and came out again. Go to an American restaurant.

The restaurant was full of U.S. troops, letting her know that her time on the Indochina Peninsula was running out. The confrontation in the hotel made her cry a lot. After crying, she was very hungry. She led a hamburger to find a seat.

A young soldier squeezed into where she was supposed to sit, and as he sat down, he reached out and stroked her plump buttocks. She posted it and asked how much the other party planned to spend to buy her? She doesn't care about people coming and going here, she knows what people call her, she has no moral bottom line, morality is worthless in sex and love, but her family's living expenses need money in the end.

Da Bing awkwardly broke free from her in front of his colleagues, saying that he had a fiancée waiting in his hometown. She stared at the soldier, her eyes full of ridicule, and the young soldier couldn't bear to watch, and fled in a hurry. When she got up, she knocked over her plate, and the coke flowed out and fell on the concrete floor bit by bit.

Fiancee, the man on the other side of the embankment also said he had a fiancee in China. Fiancee, but the fiancee didn't stop the man from loving her and loving her once a week.

She took a big bite of the burger, and the tomato juice spurted out and stained her red silk scarf, like the blood that flowed out of her body when the man said he loved her in a dark hotel, stained her bright red youth. Since then, her youth has been covered with a layer of shame.

Fortunately, shame can be removed as easily as a silk scarf.

She went home and put on her mother's dark blue silk scarf, and got into the black car coming from the other end of the embankment. She took the man's hand and walked into the high-end coffee shop where only colonists and wealthy businessmen gathered.

At this moment, she is no longer a French bitch who flies into the flames of love, the dignified daughter of a colonial French school teacher family; the man is no longer as confident as when he loved her, wearing a black suit and carrying a century-old family on his back The responsibility of incense passed down even looks more obscene than in a hotel.

The man said to her, "People say this dark blue silk scarf makes you look beautiful, but when you come to me with a bright red silk scarf, high-heeled sandals, and a swaying skirt, it makes you even more beautiful. Beauty, as flirtatious and sexy as you were born to be. I will always remember you and love you forever."

She wrapped a long coat and walked out the door. He's leaving me forever, she thought.

Her face faded in an instant.

Silently walking towards the banks of the Mekong River at dusk, she watched the ferry go away, carrying her Chinese lover who only dared to say that she loved her, but did not have the courage to hold her hand and fight against the world together.

 When the authors of the new sexy magazine decided to launch this style exercise, they thought they would have no time to write, but these two days after cleaning up their bookcases, they found Marguerite Duras' "L'Amant", and the inspiration was sudden. She was born, so based on the memory of the content in the book, mixed with the original text of the exercise questions, and re-written Ju Hasi's love at the age of 15 in Ju Hasi's tone (but not necessarily in line with the facts or in line with the content of her book). ).

After writing this article, after being reminded by other new sexy authors, I found out that this article deviates from the original text . Although it can be revised again, I always feel that there may be a gap between the original meaning and the original meaning I want to express after the revision, and I would rather keep the first one. First-hand story, so it was published informally . After all, as the author and event reviewer of New Sexy Magazine, I can’t earn 100 LiekCoin if I write right or wrong .

But the advantage of "writing a mistake" is that it is just used as an example of a mistake . After reading it, if you find that your story is also deviating from the right track, hurry up and revise it!

So where am I deviating from the plot?

first! The heroine in the original is a 30-year-old woman! ! ! So it was wrong to begin with!

Original: The woman pointed at the young man's back, and after scolding for a while, ...

However, in my article, although the heroine was scolding inwardly, she did not point at the young man's back. The man on the other end also said that he has a fiancée in China. Don't you guys want to date other women even if you have a fiancée?" and so on, but it doesn't seem to fit the heroine's calm and world-weary character (do you have a fiancée?) ?), so decided to keep it.

Original: She accidentally got a silk scarf while squeezing ketchup, and she immediately cleaned it with a paper towel.

And after my article turned into a big bite on the burger, the ketchup spewed out , and I didn't even take a paper towel to clean it. This paragraph should be changed to: She squeezed out ketchup unconsciously, and the splattered sauce stained her red silk scarf, like the blood flowing out of her body when the man said he loved her in a dark hotel, Defiled her bright red youth. Since then, her youth has been covered with a layer of shame. Fortunately, shame can be easily wiped off with a tissue. But since I decided to keep the original text, I don't need to change this sentence (eh).

In short, after reading, go to check your own article(s), are there any changes to the original plot and props? If there is, remember to modify it!

See other New Sexy Magazine authors (in related works) for the correct version.