November 12, 2020: Days without caffeine

Before coffee: they're all liars, don't show up in my eyes, close the curtains, why the sun is so bright

After Coffee: Sugar, My Hope

Like a tortoise with a shattered shell, I curled up desperately, but to no avail. I'm afraid of the real world in my eyes, whether it's my imagination or whatever, I'm really tired. I've said so many times that I'm really tired or something that I'm tired of my own tiredness. Logically, I should have expected an accident to take me away, but now I realize that I am not worthy of it.

Now I just want to go to sleep quickly and forget about the damn thing.

Repeat your bullshit lies again.

Today's slaves are deprived of the right to "not believe".

"In other words, the illusion of the past was to cover up the truth, but the meaning of the truth today is to cover and maintain the illusion of continuing to exist."

Perhaps time is on our side—thousands of generations of people who have suffered so much, hope so. I just pray.

Looking through the notes I took before, there is a passage that I find particularly interesting. I don’t know if I wrote it myself or where I copied it. Anyway, let’s put it up:

These walls are fun. When you're in prison, you hate the walls around you; slowly, you get used to living in them; eventually you'll find yourself having to live by it.

Like our hometown, there are vast snowstorms and endless long nights, as well as golden wheat waves and a port surrounded by the sea.

G, you will love it there. Although the price is a bit high, if I don’t choose jobs, life should not be a problem. You can just do what you like. When we save enough money, we can go wherever we want, and no one can oppress us anymore. Why do we have to live so miserably, mad at all kinds of idiots in this shit country? Since we cannot fight against this society and this era, then at least run away with me.

She won't come, she won't come, I know.